Never let you out of my sight
by Tegan Hill
Summary: Peeta & Katniss are reunited. Peeta has not been hijacked. Mockingjay with several twists and turns of things I wish were in there. Rated M for obvious reasons. Occasional OOC dialog. Read & Review, please!
1. Chapter 1

A different take on Peetas rescue from the Capitol!

Told from the POV of Katniss. Also sort of OOC!

My first story!

DISCLAIMER: I own NOTHING HG related.

I can't move, I just stand behind the sheer curtain while Haymitch pushes his way through the wall of white coats. The surgeon puts his hand on Haymitch's chest to halt him from going any further forward; with a single look back at Peeta, his gesture is reconsidered. I peek slowly around the curtain, for some reason I do not want to miss Peeta seeing Haymitch again for the first time in months.

Peeta sits with his legs dangling off the side of the table, head down. His once strong shoulders seem to curve forward in a defeated way. Haymitch rests his hand on Peetas left shoulder, instantly Peeta jerks his whole body away. 

"It's alright kid, you're safe now." Haymitch announces in the most soothing voice he can manage.

What happens next shocks even Haymitch. Peeta reels back and slugs him straight across the face. Haymitch falters back and raises his arm as if to strike Peeta back, but instead wraps both his arms around Peetas frail body. I can tell Peeta is struggling to get free, but he's so weak that Haymitch easily holds him still. I think I might be sick when I hear Peeta begin to sob. Haymitch speaks in a low voice to Peeta for several minutes before settling back and smiling.

"I brought you something...well, someone." Haymitch says as he runs his sleeve under Peetas nose as if he was a small child. 

Peeta doesn't speak, he just stares past Haymitch into the wall. He must still be crying because his body is shaking ever so slightly. Haymitch glances over at me, and nods for me to come in. I feel almost giddy, I wanted to see Peeta first but I knew Haymitch would find a way around the doctors.

I swallow hard and force myself toward Peeta, he's so small and frail looking. I don't know how it happens so fast but my hand flies up to my mouth and I just start sobbing like a lunatic. Peeta turns quickly and forces his body in my direction. I can't stop myself from crying, this is my fault! I'm about to lunge myself into his arms when Peeta stands up and begins to hobble towards me. He just stares at me with tears streaming through the dirt and blood on his face. 

Finally we are face to face, forehead to forehead and crying so hysterically I'm surprised no one has come in to check on us. Peetas hands find my hair and he pulls me as close as he can, holding me tightly against him. I wrap both my arms around his torso and refuse to let go, I can never let him out of my sight again. 

Peeta pulls my face back and brushes the hair from my face. His blue eyes are still as beautiful as ever and they hold my gaze for what feels like an eternity. We still this way until he kisses my forehead before pulling me back against his chest.

I want to talk, to tell him how much I've missed him and how sorry I am; but I can't manage any words. This only gets worse when Peeta starts crying louder and mumbling my name. His good leg is buckling and I know I cannot hold him up, so we fall to our knees. Again he pulls my face back, only this time he kisses me. 

Butterflies. It's all I can feel the entire time Peetas lips are against mine, and I never want them to go away. We stay kneeling for a long time just kissing and touching each other's faces. Which makes me think of the way Finnick and Annie collided; do people think Peeta and I are that in love? Right now…I think we might be.

It feels like hours have passed before I can help Peeta back to his hospital bed. We manage, and he lies down on his side, never letting go of my hand. I lay down next to him, with my face pressed against his chest and his left arm under my head. I look up at Peeta, he is so handsome even through the mess the capitol has created. He kisses me; it's a real kiss, deeper and longer than our usual. I don't pull back. I don't want it to end. I can feel his hand brush my cheek as he continues to kiss me; he breaks the session with a small peck and smiles.

"I love you", my words hang in the air for a moment while Peeta searches my face. I can feel my cheeks turn pink, I've ruined it! What's wrong with me? Until he smiles, the biggest smile I have ever seen on Peetas face. He leaves a trail of kisses from my forehead to my lips, and then pulls me so close I can feel his body heat radiating off of mine.

"I've always loved you; I will never stop loving you." His voice cracks as he tries to keep from crying again. My whole body fills with this weird sensation, I don't know how to place it or what to call it. I am happy, so happy a let a grin cross my face against Peetas chest.


	2. Chapter 2

At some point we both find sleep, because when I wake up Peeta has rolled onto his back and has a morphling dip flowing through his veins. I never heard anyone come in the room; I don't remember the last time I slept so soundly. I sit up cautiously, trying desperately not to wake Peeta from the only sleep he has had in months. I stand up and take my shoes off, allowing myself to make a silent exit into the hallway. Just as the door shuts behind me I look up and see him. Gale.

"Gale", I whisper to his slouched, sleeping body. How long has he been sitting outside the room? All night? He doesn't stir at my voice so I shake his leg gently, and immediately he sits straight up.

"Katniss, are you alright? What's wrong?" He looks confused, and to be honest I'm not sure why.

"I'm fine, I'm just hungry..." My voice trails off when I realize Gale has been waiting all night for me to come and check on him. His arm rests in a sling and I can see that his shoulder has been bandaged even through his uniform. "How are you?" I sputter out.

He's hurt. It registers immediately across his face, and he opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. He stands slowing and nods towards the elevators. We stay silent all the way to the dining hall, till I can't stand it anymore.

"Gale, I'm sorry I didn't come check—"

"Katniss, just don't. Please spare me the details; I can't compete with him."

This makes me angry suddenly, but I know I shouldn't be. Gale saved Peeta for _me_; he volunteered to save the boy who strived so hard to keep me alive before he even knew me. He should have known how I felt about Peeta, everybody else does. But I remember Gale and the woods, for years he helped me save my family and I helped him save his. My head begins to hurt and I don't want to talk anymore.

After we eat in silence, I avoid Gale and make my way back to Peetas hospital room. I'm walking slowly and tapping the wall with my fingers, when very faintly I hear my name. My pace quickens in its direction, suddenly I'm sprinting down the hall because it's Peetas voice screaming my name in such a panicked way I don't know what else to do.

I reach his door and try to enter, but it won't budge. I start pounding on the door, but there is no response from inside. I think I'm screaming back for Peeta when Boggs appears and rams his shoulder into the door and it flies open.

Three faces turn back and stare at us; one doctor stands over the sink and spits a mouthful of blood. Peeta is standing in the corner with his arms crossed and sweat pouring down his body.

"What's going on?" Boggs demands in a much harsher tone than I could have ever managed.

The doctor who spit into the sink wipes his mouth and glares at Peeta. While the female and younger male, seem to step back against the wall.

"We tried to hook him up to an accelerator, Coins orders." He adds abruptly, "We have to restrain him because it is likely to cause muscle strain or flares. The second he saw the restraints and needle he wouldn't let us near him, he elbowed me in the face."

At this point Peeta his slid down the wall and is losing consciousness. I brush shoulders with the doctor and kneel down next to Peeta. "What is the accelerator supposed to do?" I say quietly as I push his hair from his eyes, they are wide and terrified.

"Get him back into shape faster, it will—"

"It's from the Capitol, Katniss. It will work, but…he has to obey the doctors." Boggs steps in front of the three of them and kneels down next to me, the way he looks at me…his answer is honest.

"Peeta, they have to restrain so you don't hurt yourself. The medicine will make you better faster." I smile, and he struggles to focus on my face. "What else did you give him, why can't he stay awake?"

"It's a light sedative. It won't last more than an hour"

"Katniss…" Peeta reaches for my face but misses. I guide his hand to my cheek and kiss his fingers. "No more straps…I don't…please."

My heart sinks. They must have tied Peeta down when they tortured him, this infuriates me. I turn and stand so that I am face to face with this doctor.

"You cannot restrain him unless I'm here, he won't—"

"No, he will be fine. We just caught him off guard; take it up with Coin if there's a further problem."

Why does he keep mentioning Coin? Why is she so keen on Peetas recovery? I shake my head and look back at Peeta, who is struggling against all odds to stay awake. Boggs lifts him back into his bed and straps his arms down.

"How long does he have to be like this?" I say as I trace the strap against Peetas bruised forearm.

"Just for the hour he's under sedation, you'll see in a few weeks he will be good as new." Boggs smiles at me for reassurance, but I'm still wondering why Coin is so much more involved in my life than usual.

Boggs and the doctors leave the room and I focus on Peeta. His shirt is soaked with sweat, but he has been bathed. I rip his shirt at the sleeves and pull the rest over his head. His body is a shock to me. Pale and bruised everywhere, there are singe marks across his stomach and cuts that look cauterized. Once again I left Peeta in the hands of someone else and something bad has happened. He was alone and scared and I was nowhere to be found.

After an hour or so Peeta starts to stir, I am sitting on the edge of the bed still examining his fragile state when he stops my hand. The pain that reflects in his eyes could bring me to my knees; I have let him down again.

"Peeta, I am—" I remember the restraints and immediately undo them and sit back down. "I'm sorry I wasn't here, you looked so peaceful, and I just wanted you to sleep."

Peeta rubs his wrists and tosses his head back into the pillow when he noticed the new bruises from thrashing against the medicine. He doesn't speak to me though, just stares at the ceiling.

"Peeta?" My voice cracks as I finish his name, so I clear my throat.

"Do you really love me Katniss?" Peeta says to the ceiling.

Haymitch walks into the room holding onto several papers tightened into a ring that he holds in one hand. He stares at Peeta for a long time, then back at me.

"Katniss, they are sending you to District 2" He shuts the door, and leans against it.

"What? But Peeta just got back and he can't leave, I have to stay with him!"

"Not part of the deal, Sweetheart…You're the Mockingjay, and they want to take the mountain so they can claim 2. The rebels need you." It's coming from Haymitchs mouth but these are not his words. He locks his eyes with mine and looks down at the door handle, we are not alone.

"Haymitch, I can't—"

"I'll stay with Peeta, he'll be fine. You need to go to command immediately, the hovercraft leaves in a half hour."

He leaves the room, but I know he will stay right outside the door to make sure I go at the appropriate time, making sure I will receive no repercussions. I don't want to look back at Peeta, he is still waiting for an answer.

"Katniss." His voice is demanding, and I feel him push himself up with a quiet grunt of pain, he stands in front of me. "Answer the question."

I look at the ground for a minute? Five minutes? I don't know how long but I finally look up at Peeta. His head tilted slightly and those bright blue eyes pierce through me. I stand, wrap both my arms around his neck and kiss him. It takes a moment, but eventually his arms incase me. I kiss him again and again, slower and slower. One of Peetas hands reaches for my cheek and he strokes it with his thumb, I will not let this end on a bad note. My hands move from around his neck to both his cheeks, we are holding each other's faces while our kisses, so long and so deep are making my body ignite.

Our breathing gets heavier and I want to catch my breath, but I don't want Peetas touch to end. He is having a hard time maintaining his balance for so long, and he stumbles so his back is against the wall. He pulls me back against him, our bodies are so close and I feel so light headed, I'm scared I might faint.

Peeta turns us so it's my back that's against the wall and pushes himself against me, his hands leave my face and travel to my hips, and up the sides of my shirt. His hands rest on my bare back, I can't stand it—I really do think I might faint. Peeta breaks our kisses and rests his forehead on mine; his breath is hot and heavy, and quick, so quick. I don't notice right away but my rhythm is identical to his, he gives me quick kiss and goes back to catching his breath.

"I love you", I whisper to his lips.

**So, I know it was slow in the beginning but I wanted to set it up for the following chapters! Please let me know if you like the direction it's going! At some point I may also change the rating to M! Review or PM if you still like it! **


	3. Chapter 3

I know Peeta is smiling even though my eyes are still closed. I can feel his lips just barely grazing mine, but he doesn't say it back. I feel embarrassed; I thought this is what he wanted. I'm about to open my eyes to make sure something isn't wrong when Peeta breaks the silence.

"Say it again."

His voice is deep and he speaks directly in my left ear. This gives me goose bumps, even though the rest of me is on fire. His hands wrap themselves tighter around my mid-section as he lays gentle kisses just below my ear. I try to speak, but the only thing that escapes my mouth is something between a moan and a low whimper of his name. Whatever it was, it makes Peeta ravenous. He lets go of my hips, twines his fingers into mine and pushes me further into the wall. The pressure of his body feels immensely good against mine, I want more. Our hands start above our heads and slowly begin sliding down the wall. We standing completely still, ours lips occasionally touching, Peeta will never take it further than this. If I want more I have to show him somehow. I breathe his name again in a whisper; I can feel his heart start to race as he exhales nervously. He still hasn't moved or tried to kiss me, so I push my pelvis forward into his and kiss him lightly. Peeta swallows hard and lets go of my hands, his eyes are bouncing from my mouth to my slightly exposed stomach. He looks up at me, and gives me a smile that just seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness. I smile back, and then close my eyes as he leans in and kisses me like he'll never kiss me again. I feel his hands explore my exposed skin, they are so gentle and he takes his time. Every time Peeta touches a new patch of skin I need him more. His fingers start fumbling with the button on my pants-I don't even know who I am when I break from the kissing and blatantly beg, "please". Peeta is in as much disbelief as I am, he can barely function, and finally he undoes the button...just fast enough for the door to come crashing open.

"Well! Sorry interrupt your love fest." Haymitch doesn't seem to care _what_ he has interrupted as he sneers at us from the doorway.

"You should be." Peeta growls and turns the other direction to sit down on the bed, pushing his sweat soaked hair from his eyes.

"Sorry kids, time to go." He's waving his ring of papers around in the air.

"Where did you get those?" The horror in Peetas voice takes me by surprise, so I push myself away from the wall to get a better look.

"They were in your pocket when we rescued you, I was-"

"Haymitch, give them to me. Please, please just give them to me."

"No, she should read them Peeta."

"Read what? What are they?" Now I just feel left out of some secret that the two of them are sharing.

"Nothing, they're nothing." Peeta stands and walks towards Haymitch, he means to seem sturdy but after the energy he just exerted it comes across pathetic.

"I'm giving them to her once she steps onto the hovercraft, she can read them on the way to 2."

"What are they!" I yell so one of them pays attention to me.

"Letters!" Peeta yells back at me, and then reaches out his hand as if to apologize. "They're letters, from when I was held in the Capitol."

"They let you write letters to me?"

"They aren't to you Katniss. Well one is but-"

"Just let her read them, trust me."

"Fine, I'll never win with you two anyway. Can I just have five more minutes?"

"Hurry it up..." Haymitch looks back at the door.

"Did Coin come down here?" I sputter out, remembering how Haymitch proclaimed I would leave for 2.

"Let me deal with it, five minutes." His eyes connect with mine, they are forceful and demanding. It's not about the five minutes...

Haymitch shuts the door and I tip toe behind him and lock it. Peeta sits on the bed again, resting his elbows on his knees. I want to ask about the letters but I decide to just wait and read them on the hovercraft. Suddenly I'm reminded where Peeta and I left off. I don't feel awkward though, just curious to how he thinks of me. I try to convince him to lie down and try to get some more rest; he won't unless I lay with him.

"Don't leave" Peeta says quietly while he holds his hand up against mine, fanning out our fingers together.

"I don't want too, but I won't be gone long." That is dishonest, I have no idea how long I will be stuck in 2.

It's been well over five minutes by the time Peeta falls asleep, I lay a kiss on his lips and get up to leave. Just as my feet hit the floor, Peeta catches a few of my fingers with his. He doesn't have to say it; I already know exactly what he is thinking. He whispers it to me anyway, "stay with me", his voice is faint and before I can turn back around he's sleeping again. 

"Times up, we need to go." Haymitch says, dangling the key into the cracked doorway.

Once I reach the hallway Haymitch stands directly in front of me. I peer around his shoulder down the hall, and see her. Coin, followed by Plutarch flaring his arms around and talking a mile a minute. I don't ask questions and Haymitch doesn't offer answers. We walk together in silence to the hovercraft, where he hands me the letters and taps his ear. Yeah, yeah I know. Head shackle. After takeoff, I find a corner where no one will bother me and unfold the mess Haymitch created with the letters. Peetas hand writing is beautiful and fluent at first, but the more pages I turn the sicker I feel. His hand writing goes from bad to worse and is almost illegible at points. When I reach the last letter I realize why he was so persistent with Haymitch, it's addressed to Gale. The words are slanted down the paper with drips of blood soaking the center. I cover my mouth with my hand and my eyes well up with tears, here is Peeta being tortured and beaten and the only thing he thinks of is me. In his letter Peeta describes me to Gale, which is strange at first because Gale has known me for so long. However, it's the way Peeta describes me; He sees no flaws and goes on line after line about my heart. He asks Gale to promise to take good care of me, force me to stay out of my own way and several slanted words later...Peeta asks that Gale tell me how much he loves me. I'm done; tears are streaming down my face dripping onto the letter. I hold it against my chest and wipe away my tears, I do not deserve Peeta. I wait several minutes for the puffiness in my eyes to dissipate before finding my seat across from Gale. I look up at him; he doesn't smile since we're still mad at each other. Not much longer after, we land.

"You read it then?"

"Yes. You were right, you can't compete with him."

It's mean, cruel really. But Gale doesn't seem very upset at the moment; he just picks up my bag and mouths: "I know".

**Thank you all for your wonderful comments 3 please continue to enjoy **


	4. Chapter 4

**So originally I was never going to write more than the first chapter of this story. But your reviews made me want to continue! I decided to rate this M for an obvious reason, and this is the chapter when it comes into play. So please be prepared for it! Thank you all again for your kind reviews, please let me know if you have any suggestions or comments! **

My time in 2 is unpleasant. I get moved from place to place for safety reasons, although I am allowed to hunt. I spend as much time as possible outside in order to take my mind off of Peeta. Gale doesn't press me for information about our relationship; in fact he doesn't really speak to me at all. It's so cold this morning, so I sit with my knees to my chest and set my bow at my side. I hear quiet footsteps behind me; I don't have to turn around to know its Gale.

"Hey Catnip" he says with a smile in his voice.

"Hey, they let you out for a change?" I don't know what else to say, what happened to not speaking?

"I asked to come hunting with you, you left earlier than I expected."

"Oh, yeah. " I mumble, "I couldn't sleep ".

"I think we are having a meeting about cracking the Nut today, you should come. There's food."

I laugh because he mentions food in order to convince me. When I finally look up at him he's standing so tall and he looks breathtaking in his uniform.

"Okay, I guess I have no choice if they are feeding us."

"I thought that might convince you" He gives a light hearted laugh and sits down next to me.

We sit and stare into the distance for a few minutes, but no game wanders by. I turn and look at Gale, I'm about to open my mouth to ask how he has been doing when he kisses me. I'm shocked; but I don't stop him. It's been weeks since I have had any real connection with another human being, since Haymitch yapping in my ear doesn't count. Gales kissing becomes more intense and his hand settles on my cheek, the second it does I think of Peeta. My head drops and I don't want to look back up.

"Gale…I can't." I hope that my words were audible, because I don't think I can manage them again.

"I'm sorry Katniss. I just—" He sounds hurt, or confused. I'm not sure. "I just had to know for sure. That you made up your mind, I mean."

"Oh. I have, I really do love Peeta." Am I convincing him or myself?

"Okay. I'm happy for you…see you at the meeting then."

Why. Why does this feeling keep creeping back up on me? I love Peeta and he loves me. Gale is just my friend and I have to keep it that way. Later that afternoon I make my way into the Justice Building and take a seat in the window while the rest of the group is banging their heads trying to find a way to "crack the nut". When Gale bursts out with an idea, I'm stopped short of my day dreaming when I realize what he is purposing.

"That sounds an awful lot like a mining accident."

"I don't care, it will work."

I don't bother arguing with Gale or Beetee at this point. When the Nut does fall, I am struck with the pain of what has just happened. I want it to end, to reverse our decision! After hours of no sign of life from the mountain Haymitch tells me I will be making a speech. No. I am awful at these sorts of things; I will only make things worse. Instead of a successful speech I have just watched myself get shot on live television, along with the entire country of Panem.

Everything is dark after I see myself fall forward. I can't move or breath and the amount of noise surrounding me in so faint I think this might be it. Everything goes black. I have no memory from this time forward, except for Haymitch yelling for me in my earpiece. If he sounded scared, this must be bad.

xXx

Hazy. That's how I feel when I wake up in my hospital bed in 13. I try to sit up but the only thing I manage is a moan. I don't see anyone in the room with me, not even Haymitch. I know it's probably wrong that I am so hurt by this but, not even Prim is here? Do they know I was shot? I was shot. I should be dead, why am I not dead? I just want to see Peetas face, hear his voice and hold his hand. I pull myself upright, is someone screaming? Oh right, that's me. The second I stand up I feel sick; the morphling is getting pumped into my system at a very high rate. I rip out the needle and set it on the bed. This doesn't help at all, if anything I am more nauseous than before. I stumble to the door and fling it open; I look down at my bare feet. My free hand makes sure I am wearing clothes before I continue down the empty hallway.

Judging by the stabbing pain in my left side, I won't make it any further than the dining hall. This turns out not to be such a bad thing because this hallway is full of people filing in for lunch. Suddenly I feel like I may pass out, I drop to my knees. Just before I am about to lay myself down and curl up into the fetal position, I see Peetas face. With everything I have left I scream his name. He doesn't see me, but he hears my voice and is instantly frantic.

"Katniss?" His voice is unsure, like he may have been hearing things.

"Peeta!" The pain has intensified to a new level.

Immediately Peeta is at my side, he looks so confused. Maybe they really don't know what happened. He scoops me up like a rag doll and begins carrying me back down towards the hospital.

"Prim! Prim, I need your help!" Peeta sounds so nervous, and when I look down and see the blood oozing onto my shirt I realize why.

"Peeta" I manage to get out again, "I think I am going to be sick".

I throw up all over the two of us. The last thing I remember is Peeta adjusting his grip under my knees and back before my head drops and my arms go limp. His body feels strong; this is not the same Peeta I left sleeping a few weeks ago.

xXx

Freezing cold water is stinging my skin like a thousand needles at once. When I open my eyes I am in nothing but a bra and underwear. Peeta is holding me up against the shower wall with one arm, and rinsing out my ripped stitches with the other. The water never gets warmer, but Peeta does his best to clean my hair and skin of vomit and blood. He is soaked from head to toe, as he lifts me back up and gets Prims help to dry my skin. He gently lies me back down on the bed and pushes the wet hair off of my face. I can feel Prims small fingers re-stitching my side, she is quick and before I realize it she also replaces my morphling drip. Peeta lies down next to me, propping my head against the pillow. I notice the tips of his fingers are stained blue and green. Again I am unconscious.

Judging by the circles under Peetas sleeping eyes, I have been out for a minimum of two days. The pain in my ribs in excruciating, when I try to sit up it only makes it worse. Peeta lies on his side with one arm under my head and the other resting on the inside of my thigh. Since I cannot sit up I do my best to turn onto my side with him. My movement wakes him up and he searches my face for any discomfort or pain, when I smile he seems relieved. Neither one of us speaks; Peeta just pulls my body up against his and falls back asleep.

"He's been sitting up for the past two days, you know."

"What about you? Why weren't you here when I woke up?" I hiss at Haymitch in a whisper.

"I only left to change; I didn't think you would wake up through the morphling." His voice is sincere, almost concerned.

"I was scared…" I admit to him in a sheepish voice.

He stands and walks over to the bed, and I roll onto my back slowly to look up at him. Peeta is so limp in his sleep his hand just slides off my hip onto the mattress.

"I'm sorry Katniss. I wanted to tell you what was going on but you had other plans it seems."

"Why didn't Peeta know I was here? Or Prim? Or anyone?" I am not trying to sound accusing, but I can tell it's coming off this way.

"I didn't want to scare them; Peeta was doing so well in training. And Prim is getting trained to be a doctor. They both—"He stops suddenly. "There is no excuse, I'm sorry that we weren't all here Sweatheart."

Haymitch has called me Sweatheart thousands of times, but this time I feel comforted by it. I roll back over and face Peeta, the scruff on his face shows me he hasn't left my side since we found each other in the hallway. I touch his chest, and arms. His body has been fully restored, he looks healthy and…new.

"Haymitch," I say with a pang of question in my voice "what did they give him to make him look so good?"

He laughs, "The accelerator, remember? Don't worry they've been injecting you too. You'll feel better in a week or so."

"They have? Did you make this decision for me?"

"Don't act like it wasn't what you wanted." He smirks and makes his way to the door, "Let him sleep for a little while."

I do. We both sleep through the rest of the day and into late the next morning. I wake up when Peeta is playing with the hem of my shirt and kissing my nose. I don't want to open my eyes at first; I just want him to admire me this way for as long as possible. While Peeta is touching the edge of my hip, I notice that the pain in my ribs has gone down a considerable amount. My eyes flutter open.

"Hi" Peeta chirps and smiles at me so brightly.

"Thank you" I kiss him softly and wrap my arm around his neck.

"For what? Not being there when you got shot?"

"No, for carrying me back here and cleaning me up, I'm sorry."

"You were awake for that; you could have helped me out!" He's joking of course, but it makes me feel bad. "How do your ribs feel?"

"They hurt a lot less than before; Haymitch said they gave me the same thing they gave you." I say as my hand runs down his arm.

"Yeah, I feel a lot better. More like myself, they even let me train."

We talk for what feels like hours, until I am forced to get up and walk around. Plutarch finds me and slows his pace down to match mine. He is going on and on about a propo, a wedding propo.

"Who's wedding? You don't mean Peeta and me?" The thought makes me feel nervous and sick all at the same time.

"Oh no Katniss! Finnick and Annies!" He sounds excited, since he hasn't planned anything cheerful in his

entire life.

"That's wonderful, when is it?"

"In a few days, you should feel much better by then. I want to make sure Snow knows you're all right."

After fighting about the extravagance of the wedding, Coin and Plutarch finally reach a settlement and plans begins to roll. The people of 13 are more than delighted to make decorations and help set up the large dining hall. My mother lends me a dress to wear to the wedding, even though I feel over dressed next to some of the people from 12 who did not have the luxury of returning to their homes for items left behind.

The dining hall looks so beautiful, as do Annie and Finnick. They glow as the ceremony takes place, and not once does Annie need to cover her ears. I don't even know I'm smiling until Johanna pushes me a little and actually giggles at my expense. "Go dance! You don't want to miss an opportunity to show Snow!" She's right, so I grab Prim and we dance for several songs. My ribs start to hurt a little, but not enough to show on camera.

"I didn't know you liked to dance" Peeta says from behind me, "You wouldn't want to dance with me, would you? His arm reaches up behind his head to itch the opposite shoulder in a nervous way.

"Sure." I say smiling as I take his hand.

"You look beautiful Katniss" Peeta blurts out as we come together in the center of the room.

"You don't look so bad yourself" My heart is pounding out of my chest and I stumble over my own feet.

The music is slow, and the lights get dim. I notice there is no one dancing next to us, or anywhere in the room for that matter. I look up at the cameras red light, trained on my face. Peeta meets my gaze and turns my chin back to face his. "Forget it" he mouths then smiles. I can't just forget I'm on camera, but I do want to show Snow that I am alive and well. That I have Peeta now, and he has nothing to stop me. I stand on my toes, wrap both my arms around Peetas neck and kiss him. It's not a gentle kiss but a deep, wet invigorating one. I feel his hands immediately wrap around my waist, the whole room starts to clap and whistle. I break away from Peeta as people start to rejoin us on the dance floor. His eyes demonstrate pure happiness, and then look away from mine into the corner of the room. The lights brighten as four men from 13 wheel out the largest cake I have ever seen. I remember Peetas stained finger tips, so this is why. The cake is gorgeous waves of blue and green, it's perfect.

After the celebration, Peeta walks me back to my room. I lean up against the wall and his arm rests extended next to my head, his body directly in front of mine. We laugh a little about how awful some of the dancing was from 13, and some about how great the food tasted for once. After a few minutes Peeta leans his body against mine, his forehead pressed to my shoulder. This is my last chance.

"Johanna is staying with another girl from 12 tonight. " I suddenly announce into the air.

"She is? So it's just you tonight?" His voice is hopeful and anxious.

I reach behind me and push open the door. We slip inside with anyone noticing, and Peeta pins me up against the wall. His breathing is already shallow from kissing, and he inhales sharply at the touch of my hand under his shirt. I just want to touch every part of his body, it's so strong now that's it has been restored. His hands tussle in my air and my braids begin to come loose, eventually my hair falls in waves around my shoulders. I push Peeta off and take him by the hand to my bed. I lay down immediately on my back, but he just stands there.

"Katniss…you are sure?" He sounds sincerely concerned.

I kick off my shoes, sit up and pull the dress off. It lands somewhere on top of the dresser across the room. I lie back down, and glance down at myself laying in just a bra and the only pink I own, my underwear. I think I can see Peetas heart actually pounding back in forth in his chest.

"I'm sure." I say as the corners of my mouth turn upwards.

Peeta slowly makes his way over to me, tossing his shoes aside. He crawls into the bed, and lies down next to me. His eyes take in every inch of my body, I have to actually take his hand and place it on my hip. I push my body against his and kiss him; he kisses me back as the tension in his movements starts to loosen. After several minutes I have to roll back over and catch my breath. Peeta props himself up on his elbow and kisses me again, his fingers run from the center of my bra to just above the line of my panties. My hips buck reflexively against his touch, I look up at Peeta as he bites his bottom lip. I know he wants this as bad as I do. He's just such a gentlemen, he won't be the one to push it all the way.

I catch Peetas hand on the way back down my stomach and push his fingers underneath my underwear. I surprise myself when I let out a loud moan, and push my hips against his hand. He buries his face in my neck whispers my name, I can't respond with words because Peeta starts making small circles at the core of my body. My hands clench onto the sheets so tightly my knuckles turn white. Peeta shocks me again when he suddenly stops, sits up in front of me and pulls my underwear off. We stare are each other for a few moments, before he takes off his shirt and leans over my face. He kisses me, holding himself up with one arm, his other hand travels down my side and under my back. He can't do it. I sit forward slightly and unhook my bra and kiss him before lying back against the pillow. He looks down at my naked body, his free hand tracing the edge of my side, back down my hips and in-between my thighs. He wouldn't even have to do anything else at this point; I am so ready to have all of him. He doesn't care, his touch is so gentle and just his hand near my center is almost too much to handle. I'm about to say something when Peeta pushes his fingers inside me, I toss my head back and arch my back. My lips are quivering as a try not to yell his name.

It happens so fast, my whole body shakes and I can't control it. It feels so amazing I never want it to end; Peeta looks down at me with satisfaction written on his face. My breathing is deep, and so is Peetas as he lies down next to me. I look over at him, watching his chest rise and fall. I sit straight up and swing one leg over his body. His mouth is wide open with shock and he just rests his hands on my legs. I lean down and kiss him, then sit back up and wriggle off the remainder of his clothing. He swallows, well tries. Again he starts biting his lip as I re-position myself on his lap. I can feel his erection, so I know he wants me as bad as I want him. Suddenly he sits up and supports me with one hand on my back, the other cups my breast. This time it's Peeta that lets out a load moan as I grind my hips against him a little. I steady myself so he can use both hands on my chest, which he takes full advantage of. Peetas hands eventually find my hips again, he looks up at me.

"I love you" Those big blue eyes make me smile and I kiss him and slide my arms around his neck.

"I love you too, Peeta."

No more talking. I lift myself up enough to find Peetas rock hard, without further consulting him I slowly lower myself onto him. It hurts, much more than I expected. But Peetas reaction is so reassuring I can't stop now. He pushes his face into my chest and lets out an "Oh god, Katniss". This only makes me want to please him more, so slowly at first I grind my hips back and forth against him. Eventually Peeta lies back down and helps me move at the right place by holding my waist. His face is bright red and he can't stop saying my name, the sound of his voice is making my body hotter and hotter.

Peeta pushes me off and I land softly on my back next to him. At first I'm disappointed because I think we are done. Until Peeta sits up and pushes my knees apart and re-enters me at a much faster pace. I scream. It feels too good not to. My finger nails dig into his back, and hold on for dear life. He pushes much harder and faster than I could have on top of him, he grunts in my ear and holds onto my waist. It's too much, I lose it again. I moan Peetas name and my body shakes uncontrollably, I wrap my legs around his waist. Peetas grip on my waist gets tighter, his thrusting even harder he whispers my name one more time before he collapses on top of me.


	5. Chapter 5

Bombs? No, it's the force field shattering into a million pieces, falling all around me. I reach out for Peeta; yell his name but he's not there. I try to focus on the world around me; I can see the real sky and feel real air. I know I can hear my name being yelled, but it isn't Peeta voice, its Haymitch. Now I am shaking, violently shaking. I scream as loud as I can, yell for Peeta one last time, just before the hovercraft lifts me up. The shaking doesn't stop, and now it is Peetas voice I here.

"Katniss, wake up!" I sit straight up and collide heads with Peeta. I am covered in sweat, and trembling.

"Where are we?" I'm still screaming and I know I am not crazy when the pounding continues.

Peeta hops out of the bed and scrambles to pull his pants from last night up. Just as he is looking down to pull up the zipper, Haymitch busts into the room looking especially frantic.

"What the hell, neither of you two heard me knocking?" He's not accusing us of anything, but he actually sounds worried.

"She was having a nightmare; I was trying to wake her up." Peeta stammers as he searches for his shirt.

"What are you doing in here anyway?" Haymitch lifts an eyebrow.

"I asked him to stay" I'm out of breath, and my throat hurts from screaming.

"Ah. I'm sure. I need to talk to both of you anyhow…" He takes a seat on the edge of my bed, tossing the other blanket my way "you can get dressed when I leave."

"Thanks" I blush and pull the covers up against my chest; Peeta sits down behind me and kisses my shoulder.

"So, what do you need to talk to us about so early?" Peeta leans forward and pulls his shirts from the mess of blankets.

"You're not going to the Capitol." He says it so quickly; I don't even know how to sort out any of my emotions.

"What, but I've been training almost every day since I got back!" Peeta is actually upset, but he doesn't say anything about me not going with him.

"Peeta, the only reason you were able to do that was the accelerator. You're still not in the best shape yet and—"

"I have to go. I'm the Mockingjay!" I don't meant to interrupt him, but it's true!

Haymitch sighs, and clasps his hands together.

"Okay. I'll try to convince them to let you train Katniss. You'll all have to work really hard over the next few weeks though."

"All of us?" Peeta questions Haymitch.

"Johanna isn't going either; she is beyond out of shape."

"You have to make sure she can go! She won't sit here!" I feel protective of Johanna, because well…she saved both Peeta and I in the arena.

"I'll do my best. You have about five minutes to get down to the training center. " He gets up to leave and just as he opens the door and he turns and at looks at me. "Be nice to him, he could do a lot better."

Ouch. That wasn't necessary at this point, but Peeta ignores Haymitch and wraps his arms around my shoulders. I kiss his arm, and then rest my forehead on his hands. I still can't believe I let him out of my sight that night. If Peeta has been training I have a lot of catching up to do. I owe him everything, especially Snows death.

xXx

When we reach the training center, I realize why no one wants me on their squad for the Capitol. I am as close to useless as one can possibly get. I cannot run more than a mile, and even the stretching causes me pain. Worst of all, I'm training with a group of thirteen and fourteen year olds who far exceed my abilities. Peeta is in a more advanced group than Johanna and I, but even he admits he is having trouble keeping up when we break for lunch.

As far off as it may seem, the three of us are extremely determined to improve our skills. So, just as Peeta did for me before the Quell, he trains with me and Johanna late into most nights. It hurts, and takes me at least a full week to make it to the end of the five mile run. Even after I make it, I immediately lose my breakfast. The only good thing about training is special weaponry, my bow is so perfect and I can show off my one true skill.

During our second week of training we are let out early, due to a large meeting in command. I don't complain, I haven't had time to spend with just Peeta in quite some time. We walk hand in hand down to the dining hall, and take a seat at our usual table. Peeta and Finnick talk back and forth for a few minutes, and I just rip and dip my bread into my gravy over and over. Without turning back to face me, Peetas hand searches for mine. When he has no success finding it, since I am eating with both hands, he rests his hand on the inside of my thigh and yanks me closer to him. I look over at Finnick, who looks past Peetas face at me. He smiles, as Peeta tucks his hand underneath my knee. I smile back at Finnick, because he knows what I know. Peeta just needed to know I was still there, because he never wants to be without me again.

My moment of sweet heaven is quickly broken when Gale sits next to me and looks down at Peetas hand. He ducks his head and sighs, scoots a little further away and begins eating lunch. It can't keep going on like this; I want Gale to be my friend! The way he was before the games, well maybe not exactly the same, but I don't want him to hate me for loving Peeta.

xXx

A few days later, York tells the three of us we have been recommended for the exam. We sprint to the Block, and take our place in the long line of soldiers that whisper back and forth about what we might be facing. Some say it's based upon your greatest fear or weakness, we will know soon enough. Johanna enters first, and I don't see her after, I assume she has exited out the other side. Peeta is next, he turns and faces me.

"I'll meet you outside your room after this; I don't think they are letting us back in the room afterwards." He tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear and kisses my forehead.

"Okay, good luck." I smile back and give him a friendly push forward. He turns back before he closes the door and winks at me. There it is again, the warm fuzzy feeling in the center of my chest.

I wait, maybe fifteen minutes before it's finally my turn to enter the Block. When I do it just feels like a normal drill, until the canister hits the ground in front of a bunch of Peacekeepers. I can hit it, its right in front of me. I pause before I lift my gun, this _is _my test. I drop to the ground as fast as I can, while someone else in the group blows up the canister. When I exit out the other side Soldier York stamps my arm with big bold number **451**. I smile, and take off down the hallway. I am not walking or jogging but running with every step closer to my room I get my excitement grows. I stop. Peeta stands with his arms crossed in front of his chest outside my door. He isn't smiling, but I know that face. I grin and lunge myself against him, wrapping my arms and legs around him.

"Did you pass? What squad are you in? Are we together?" Peeta would keep asking questions if I let him.

"I'm in 451! Show me your arm!" He adjusts my weight and extends his arm; it reads 451in dark ink.

Peeta smiles and slides me down his body, when my toes hit the floor I push back up and kiss him. We are actually going to the Capitol and in the same squad no less! I take his hand and drag him back down to where I am fully aware of a Command meeting, and rush into the room. Boggs greets us with a smile. He doesn't have to ask either of us, we just extend our arms to him.

"You're both with me; it's a special sharpshooter's squad." He points across the room to a group that contains Finnick, Gale and five others I have never seen before.

Plutarch moves forward with his meeting by bringing up a large hologram of a Capitol block. At first it looks like nothing, until he flicks a switch that ignites blinking green and orange lights. I am unaware that I'm moving towards the lights at first, until I feel two others at my side. Peeta and Finnick. They obviously see what I see, the arena.

Through the remainder of the meeting I sit in silence, only nodding and acting overly interested in everything Plutarch has to say. I still feel sick when we are excused.

"What am I going to tell Annie?" Finnick takes his small piece of rope from his pocket.

"Nothing. That's what my family will be hearing from me." I say firmly, and lower Finnicks hand helping him put the rope away.

We run into Haymitch, who explains to us Johannas situation. How the Capitol used water to torture her, then electrically shocked her on top of it. I feel even worse now; I forced her into the rain just a few days ago. I said it wouldn't kill us. The three of us go to visit Johanna in the hospital, when Peeta and Finnick have left Johanna grabs me by the arm.

"You have to kill him Katniss."

"I will, I promise."

"Swear it, swear it on something you care about."

"I swear on my life." She cocks her head and makes a face.

"Swear on your family's life."

"Fine Johanna, I swear it."

She leans back against her pillow, and wipes the sweat that has formed on her brow away. I turn to leave, but something makes me think.

"I'll be right back." I turn quickly on my heel.

"I'm not going anywhere brainless." She tries to sound tough, but her voice is so hoarse.

I run up several flights of stairs until I feel the fresh air, dash into the woods and take a piece of bandage from my pocket. I lay it flat on the ground and fill it with pine needles. I make my way back down to Johannas room, and take a deep breath before re-entering.

"Here" I place the small package in her hand.

"What is it?" She looks a little unconvinced.

"Just smell it."

Johanna places her nose against the package and inhales; her eyes fill up with tears. She looks up at me, unable to speak in her usual voice she whispers, "It smells like home".

xXx

It's late when I leave Johanna to get some rest. I start to make my way back to our room, sighing at the fact I will be alone. I don't notice him at first, but when I finally look up Peeta gives me a small smile. From behind his back he brings forward a small arrangement of dandelions. I'm not even sure how he found them it's been so cold lately, even so it pricks my heart in just the right place.

"I picked these for you" He says innocently.

"Thank you" I say into his shoulder as I wrap my arms around his body, nuzzling into him.

"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" He plays with the end of my braid, twisting it in his fingers.

I don't need to say yes, he already knows I want him with me. He pushes open the door, locking it behind him. I just want his warmth, his strength his voice to cradle me tonight. I am terrified inside of what we will face in the Capitol in less than a week.

We climb into bed, and lay embracing each other. I inhale every smell that comes with Peeta, I don't want this moment to end. I just want this, him, forever. I close my eyes and pull myself closer.

"What did they do to you in the Block?" He whispers against my cheek.

"They wanted to make sure I could follow orders…" Peeta laughs. "What did they do to you?"

He takes a deep breath, "They had a hologram of you, being dragged away by Peacekeepers."

I sit up on my elbow, "What? Why would they do that?"

"Because Katniss, you are the only thing I'm scared of losing."


	6. Chapter 6

**Sw777 - - I suppose I meant for Haymitch and his expression to come across more comical then it did in text! It was supposed to be like oh haha what are you doing in here anyway, then his eyebrow says he knows. Sorry! **

**GleeLover24 - - I literally just LOL'd at your review ahahahaha you are hilarious!**

**Runner - - Hmm, given your name I don't think I should argue! My bad.**

xXx

We continue our training up until the night before we are supposed to ship out. Out of anywhere in Panem we end up descending from the hovercrafts in 12. We switch to large trucks, filled to the brim with sleepy soldiers resting their heads on their packs or one another. It's a long ride, which ends at the base of one of the mountains, here we continue on foot for six hours. When we come to the rebel camp it is already swarmed with soldiers pitching tents and resting around small fires. We can see the Capitol streets just below us, when I step to the edge of the hill Peeta doesn't stand next to me.

"Whats wrong?" One arm dangles at his side with the other crosses his chest, holding the opposite elbow. He looks like a child who has just been reprimanded.

"Nothing, I just don't care to see it up close yet." He doesn't budge even when I extend my hand to him.

"It's not going to bite you." Gale says in a harsh voice as he stands next to me.

"You could be a little nicer, you know." I whisper as Peeta takes a few steps back.

"He's fine. Besides we will probably never get to actually go in now that we have been labeled the "Star Squad". He needs to be cheered up.

"Well, stop being so camera ready then." I say with a bright smile, that I know irritate him just the right amount.

"Oh, thanks. At least I can act!"

"Whatever makes you feel better!" I shout as I walk back to Peeta, take his hand and go towards the camp. That felt better, normal almost. To joke around with Gale.

We shoot several pointless propos over the next week. We honestly only help accumulate to the broken candy colored slabs that litter the ground. There has to be something useful we can do, and not one member of our squad keeps that to themselves. In fact, I am surprised no one has decided to run off due to boredom. Finally a call comes from Plutarch that our footage is dull, Cressida tells us we will be taking a block in the Capitol. Since we have the Holo, there is no real danger here. We will blow up a few pods and head back to camp, but it's still better than sitting around all day.

xXx

Gale gets chosen to blow up the first pod, it's a spray of bullets that takes only a few minutes to finish before we are directed to get back up. Since everyone needed to duck during the actual pod burst, Cressida and Messala dab us with a little make up and ask us to recreate our actions. It's truly hilarious to watch a bunch of grown men act terrified when nothing is actually happening. Boggs tries to act calm and tells us to pull it together, he's about to type another code into the Holo when it happens.

An unlabeled pod goes off; it blows off both of Boggs legs. The impact of the first bomb sets off another, we have no choice but to separate. I duck into a doorway; I comb the street for Peeta, for Gale, for anyone. I am shaking with terror when I can find no one except Boggs; I rush back to his side and take in the gruesome scene. There is already a large pool of blood forming around him, Homes pushes me aside and tries to help stop the bleeding. It's futile; Boggs will not make it much longer.

I try to comfort Boggs, maybe hold his hand. Boggs has other plans; he begins typing an order into the Holo and then orders to me to say my name. A bright green light flashes across my face and I am frozen for a moment. Boggs grabs Homes hand, and looks back at me as shoves the Holo against my chest. "Do what you came to do" he mouths to me, and then he's gone. Finnick drags me forward, and into an apartment about a hundred yards away. Once we are inside I realize Peeta is not among us. I fling back open the door and another pod goes off almost directly in front of me. Gale pulls me backwards and slams the door shut again. I slap him, hard.

"Move! I have to go back and get Peeta!" My voice cracks and I can feel the tears forming.

"No. I'm not letting you leave, he'll be okay Katniss." His facial expression doesn't reassure me.

"Mitchell isn't here either Gale." Homes speak up from the corner.

"Nobody leaves, not yet anyway." Jackson says as she drops her gun on the marble floor.

Finnick stands in front of me, he nods in agreement with Jackson, but he can see the pain in my face. The television flickers on, it zooms immediately in on the block where we just stood. It shows Boggs and his pool of blood. This isn't real, I turn away and start to leave the room. Just as I turn I see Peeta and Mitchell running down the street, behind them a giant wave of darkness is forming. Everything feels like it's in slow motion, another pod goes off and a bullet strikes Mitchell in the heart. He falls and Peeta stops, he trips forward and then goes back for Mitchell. It only takes him a second to realize it's a lost cause, he stands to run again.

I watch as a bullet skews through his shoulder, another seems to strike his side. I start screaming for someone to come with me to help him, run towards the door again but Gale pulls me against him and holds on tight. My eyes are glued on Peetas face as he drops to his knees and pulls back a bloody hand. The shock on his face horrifies me, I don't care who sees me cry now. I am hysterical. Peeta looks up, directly at the camera on his face. His beautiful, terrified eyes seem to lock onto mine through the screen. Another pod goes off in the background; he turns quickly to see what it was. There is nothing visible, he turns back to me. He touches the three middle fingers of his left hand to his lips then holds them out in the air. The screen goes black; I faint.

xXx

When I finally wake up, my head lies in Finnicks lap. He gently strokes back pieces of my hair, and speaks quietly to Gale. They are talking about finding a way back. I don't care what we do, how we get there, but we are going to the City Center. Peeta is probably dead. I have the Holo, so I have to be strong. The only thing I need now is to kill Snow. I don't speak until I am sure I won't cry. When I do finally manage words, I do my best to convince the others I am on a special mission for Coin. No one believes me until Cressida comes to my rescue. Jackson helps me to set the Holo, and we decide to brave the street for one more block then re-enter into another apartment building further into the Capitol.

We set foot into the street; it's covered with the dark sticky wave we saw rising earlier. The only good thing is—it doesn't leave foot prints. I look up and notice all the security cameras have been covered in the wave as well. We don't have much time, but we stay cautious of pods. After about ten minutes of silence, Jackson purposes that the wave probably set off the remainder of the pods in the surrounding blocks. We walk in a shuffled silence, occasionally there are whispers behind me but nothing ever out loud. I don't care.

xXx

The gunfire takes me by surprise, Peacekeepers have somehow located us. Gale pushes me into a door way and goes back out to hold off what he can. I struggle to stand back up, and when I do I almost walk directly into a group of five Peacekeepers, my eyes do what my mouth cannot…scream. Suddenly I am pulled backwards against the doorway so fast it knocks the wind out of me. The arms that hold me so severely tight make it hard to breath, I struggle to get free. The Peacekeepers are continuing past us now, they will be ambushed in seconds by Homes and Jackson. I cannot breath. After the last Peacekeeper falls to her knees, dead, the grip around my mouth loosens.

I gasp for air, when I inhale I catch a weak scent I would know anywhere. Cinnamon and dill.

**what Peeta did just before the cameras go out-in the first book Collins writes that it is a gesture rarely used in D12 "It means thanks, it means admiration, it means goodbye to someone you love." **


	7. Chapter 7

**Ugh. Sorry for the long wait guys, the stupid hurricane kind of put a damper on things! Finally have power again! I just wanted to thank everyone for your reviews; they are truly the highlight of my day! Also…I am a hopeless romantic so these lovey scenes with Peeta & Katniss won't go away, sorry! Lol! P.s. this has semi sexual material, fair warning! Wanted to take a break from the loss of life and such lol. Another chapter coming tomorrow night. **

My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach, and then floats back up to the center of my chest in pieces, meshing itself back together once again. He's alive. I turn quickly to face Peeta, he is pale and the color is nearly fully drained from his lips. I reach out for his jaw, run my thumb over his chin and lips just to make sure this is real. He closes his eyes and kisses my fingers; I need the boy with the bread more than ever. Peeta pulls me up against him, burying his face in my hair. The tears that come are unstoppable; I thought I had lost Peeta forever.

"I have to stop hanging out with you; I don't know how many more lives I have left!" Peeta smirks through his tears then grasps his side in pain.

I manage to laugh through my tears too. I grab hold of his mouth and force him to kiss me, which doesn't exactly take effort.

Peeta groans in pain almost the whole way to the next apartment. When he removes his shirt we realize they weren't bullets but tiny balls with hundreds of needle like prongs that seem to multiply when they hit a target. I help to remove the small shrapnel caught in his side, it wasn't in far but it caused a considerable amount of blood loss. His shoulder will heel with time, the ball made a through and through hole the width of a pencil tip.

Peets finally sits down, looking exhausted. I can tell he is struggling to keep his eyes open, I kiss his cheek then follow Messala into the kitchen to gather some food for everyone to eat. We can still here everyone else in the living room.

"So, what happened?" Leeg pipes up.

"After Boggs stepped on the first pod, they just kept going off. Mitchell and I got separated from you guys instantly. By the time we could stand back up everyone was gone. After the pod with the shrapnel exploded, I heard another pod go off but there wasn't anything there. I thought maybe it was some kind of gas, but I didn't stick around to find out. I was hiding in the apartment building where I found Katniss." He leans forward and rubs his tired eyes, then sits back up as we enter the room with cans of soup. The smell of food apparently brings him back.

Messala passes him a can, which Peeta flips over in his hand to read the label. "_Lamb stew_" is prominent in big bold letters. He takes the can I am holding and rests it between his knees then opens the lamb stew and hands it to me. How does he always find a way to make my heart melt? I just smile and take a big gulp.

"Katniss, can I have a minute?" Jackson sounds ten times more cheerful than I have ever heard which makes me nervous. Either way, I follow her silently to the kitchen. "I just…I've been watching the two of you, you and Peeta I mean. Do you have any idea what he went through to get on this squad?"

"You mean the Block test? He told me what his test was, but he didn't elaborate…"

"Well, he failed. He was supposed to let you get dragged away, to become a martyr according to Coin. The only time he hit targets dead on was when he was saving you."

"But, wait. How did he get here then?" My stomach turns with lamb stew as I wait for her answer.

"He practically got down on his knees and begged. We got kicked out of Command almost immediately after that, but I still made out some of what happened. Coin is not your biggest fan, and she knows you don't exactly plan on kissing her feet anytime soon. She made a deal with Peeta that he could go if he would speak for both of you when we took the Capitol. Basically he is going to push her as president on the entire country of Panem."

"I don't, why would he do that?"

"You really don't get it? All she has to do is make one finger movement to give away your position, and the Capitol can have you. Peeta is saving you _again_, with his words. Since you won't promote Coin, he has too. " She sighs in hopes I can grasp her words.

I have to let this sink in. I don't have to wonder why Coin doesn't like me, and I am well aware of why I do not trust her. Welcome to the underground Capitol or District 13 as most refer to it. She knows I won't support her, so she is forcing Peeta to use his gift of speech. I wonder if he supports her or feels the way I do. How can she hold this over his head if we have no communication right now? So many loose ends.

"What's going on?" Peeta leans himself against the doorway, he looks much more awake now.

"Nothing. Just going over the Holo with Katniss." Jackson smiles as excuses herself to the others.

Peeta watches her walk out of the room, and then makes his way over to me. His whole body leans into mine, pushing my back against the counter. An instant rush of heat flashes through my blood, I look up at his bright smile. The color seems to be finding its way back into his face. I realize he has lost no strength when he lifts me to sit on the counter in front of him. He gives me those eyes, I widen mine at him. He cannot be serious, not here! Not now! I make a face that says 'no way'.

"What?" He just smiles, "I almost died! You owe me." He pulls my hips closer to him, and then brushes back my hair to expose my neck. Oh, his lips, mouth and warmth feel so good, even in the center of all evil. I pull him back, and kiss him.

"You'll have to wait till we make it home." I wrap my legs around him, getting him as close as possible.

"What if I don't make it back home?" The question stings my body, changes the mood.

"Peeta, we are both going home. All of us. Don't say stuff like that."

"Okay Katniss." He gives a lopsided smile and goes back to kissing my neck.

"Peeta, stop!" I giggle, it takes even Peeta by surprise because he stops and examines my face with signs of confusion.

"Why? We aren't going anywhere right now."

It does feel good; to pretend we are somewhere else. I meet his mouth with mine and push his lips apart with my tongue. He moans into my mouth, and slips his thumbs into the belt loops on my pants. I wrap my arms around his neck twist his hair in my fingers, Peetas touch could take me a million miles away from here. I'm unaware my hands and fumbling with his belt until it comes undone, those eyes again. I plunge my hand underneath his shirt, his body is so beautiful and his skin is so tight around his muscles. I push my mouth back against his, then reach into his pants and take a tight hold on his hardness. He can't stand it; he breaks our kissing and pushes his head against my chest. The way Peeta says my name makes me feel so strong, so in control. I just move slightly down, then back up before he rips my hand away.

"I can't—not- it just-, I want too. God do I want too." His cheeks are flushed pink, the most color they've had all day.

"Okay Peeta." I simply smile and push him back enough so I can get off the counter, kiss his cheek then begin to walk towards the other room. I look back as he pushes his hair from his eyes, walks to the sink and splashes water onto his face. I almost walk straight into Gale.

"We think we have a plan" He peers over my shoulder at Peeta, then meets my eyes. Jealously? Maybe but he lets it go…


	8. Chapter 8

**PrettyDarkEyes, I know! If only Peeta could be real! Sighhhh.**

xXx

We gather in the living room, huddled around the Holo. Misery begins to set in until the television flickers as it did in the previous apartment. The Capitol has pronounced us all dead, and a promised appearance of President Snow himself ignites my anger to push forward. We decide the only route that will bring us cover is to go underground, I hate this idea. We squeeze through several apartment utility shafts until we come to the opening that will bring us underground. No one wants to go first. I squint into the darkness of the tunnel and then look back up at the faces of those who I have dragged with me on my personal vendetta.

"There is still time, if anyone wants to go back to camp."

"No one is leaving, now get in there." Homes gives me a little shove toward the entrance.

The stench is almost unbearable. Pullox is having a hard time getting all the way down the ladder and when he finally sets both feet on the concrete, I watch as goose bumps filter over his flesh. Castor explains to me that he worked in the depths of the tunnel for five years as an Avox before his family could afford to bargain his way above ground. Luckily Peeta is here; he sets a steady hand on Pulloxs shoulder and speaks in a low, calm voice.

"Well, looks like you're taking the lead from here."

Peeta isn't joking; Pullox knows every twist and turn of the tunnels. Together we avoid pods in every direction, making sure to tell the others to stay close behind us. It's been hours, maybe six or seven? I glance at the watch on Gales wrist as he walks in front of me, it's close to three am. Finnick is the first to suggest we find somewhere to stop for a few hours, and no one has the energy to disagree.

Pollux leads us to an operation room, indicates we will need to be gone before seven am, and locks the door behind us. It's loud in the room, buzzing and the occasional steam simmer. After a few minutes the noises become almost relaxing, the second my head leans against the wall I am asleep.

xXx

I am woken slowly by Peetas hand on my face; he pulls me forward and slips himself behind me. I curl up in a ball and rest myself against him. I want to keep sleeping but it is my turn to keep watch. It doesn't take long for Peetas breathing to come to a rhythm that indicates he has fallen asleep, this comforts me.

Gale stares at me from across the room. I turn myself to sit up, and gently lift myself from Peetas arms. I walk slowly and silently over the sleeping bodies that lie in every direction. I make it to Gale as he stretches out his arm and looks at the time.

"It's only six, you should get more sleep."

"No, I'm alright. Did you sleep at all?" I begin to dig in my pack for food.

"Here." Gale slips me an already opened package of cookies, "And no, I haven't slept."

"Gale. How long are you going to stay mad at me?" It's a serious question but I am so hungry I shove two cookies in my mouth at the same time.

He smiles, just for a second. Then looks back across the room at a strung out Peeta, who is shaking slightly with nightmares. He turns to face me, cupping my face with his hands. I swallow the cookies in a gulp, I am so nervous about what he is going to do next.

"I'm not _mad_ at you Catnip. If it wasn't for you, getting reaped and well-it should be me and you together. The way he looks at you, I wanted to be the only one who looked at you like that."

We are interrupted when Jacksons watch begins to beep, indicating it is close to seven already. I look at Gale, his watch must be off. Everyone stands and begins to gather their things, when Castor hushes us; the noise is so faint I am not sure how he picked up on it. When I realize what the hissing orchestra is saying I string an arrow and point it at the door. "_Katniss"_ the voices continue.

"It's okay, it sounds far off. But we need to move quickly." Finnick throws a gun to Castor, and nods for Gale to do the same for Pullox.

I follow along and pass my gun to Cressida, and Peeta slips Messala his knife. It's not much but it is better than not being armed at all. I feel nauseous; these mutts could be anything one could dream up. And all they want is to rip me to pieces. We have to travel faster, which means being sloppy. I try as hard as I can to stay conscious of the pods, but if wasn't for Finnick I would have triggered at least three at this point.

"Stop!" Peeta tries his best to whisper, but it doesn't matter. The muffled screams take over the air in a matter of seconds. He looks at Pullox, who nods. "Avox. The mutts must just destroy everything…"

"Well they aren't going to stop till they reach Katniss, we need to keep moving. " Gale grabs my elbow and pushes me around the corner.

It's quick, almost unreal. The small screech Messala lets out before he is frozen in a glowing golden tube. We are all mesmerized as he is frozen still in running stance; I turn away when I realize he might be screaming in there. Peeta beings to gag from behind me and I have to look back, Messalas skin is ripped from his body as if tiny mines were placed just for this reason.

"Go!" Finnick begins to push us all at once, "We need a way out, now!"

I push Pullox to the front and follow his every footstep. We crawl through the smallest pipe, and slide along the ledge of a sewage drain. It bubbles acid and the spray speckles holes into my uniform. I hear it, Gales shallow scream, and I turn as quickly as I can to see him dangling over the side of the ledge. One hand holds onto his bow, while the other holds on so tightly to the edge his fingers are instantly white. I cannot run to him, there isn't enough room! Peeta lays himself flat on the ground and grabs tightly around Gales arm.

"Let go of the bow Gale!"

"No! It's the only thing I have left now!" He flings it into the air; Finnick sticks his trident out to catch it.

"God you're unbelievable." Peeta hoists Gale back onto the ledge with one arm and pushes his chest against the wall, "Come on, we need to keep going".

I scramble to keep going, Pollux rips down a ladder and begins to climb. I look back at our diminishing team, I try to go back but Homes refuses to let me. I can see the mutts clearly for what they are now, nasty reptile like humans who could rip me in half with one swipe. Peeta pushes me up so harshly it shocks me back to reality. One ladder, two ladders and third in my view, Pullox yanks them down and throws himself against them. I follow closely and squat next to him after the last ladder.

I pull up Peeta, Cressida…no one else. I'm franctic, I start to climb back down when Gale and barking at me to go back up. I slip and fall clumsily as Peeta lifts me by the under arms to the top. I search Gales face for answers, he is bleeding heavily from his chest and neck.

"Where is everyone else!"

"No. Nobody else Katniss. We have to keep going." Gale takes my hand and drags me away from the pipe.

Terror strikes me as Peeta climbs back down the ladder, ripping Cressidas gun from her hand. I hear awful shrieks and screams. Then silence, utter silence. I realize suddenly I am the only one who cannot hear, I see Gales lips moving as he drops me where I stand and peers into the pipe hole. One hand from below throws its self into Gales. Peeta! Gale drags him out and reaches back in; Peeta regains his feet and leans next to Gale. I cannot see who they pull out, but the glimmer of a trident in the dim sewer lights makes the noises of the morning come back to me full force. I rip the Holo from my wrist, force myself to repeat 'Nightlock' three times and toss it into the sewer.


	9. Chapter 9

**Ahhhh first, I am SO sorry this took so long to get uploaded. I started classes this week so life is insane, lol! Also—does anyone who reads & reviews this frequently do beta reading? Ps. PG13+ all up in this chappy!**

**Anyways, I was EXTREMELY upset when Collins freakin killed Finnick. Therefore…**

xXx

I fall back on my heels, out of breath for no apparent reason. I glance up to see Gale and Peeta hovering over a lifeless body, no—no Finnick! I force myself to my feet and rush to his side, without thinking I attach my hand to his and squeeze tightly. At first there is no response, but then a weak smile crosses his face and those gorgeous facial features light up. I choke back tears of joy as Finnick attempts to sit up, with the help of Peeta. His groans give away the amount of pain he is truly in, but he manages to turn himself enough to face the boy who saved his life.

"I guess we are even then." Finnick smiles at Peeta, then sticks out his hand.

"Almost" Says Peeta taking Finnicks hand and shaking it, "We're not home yet".

Gale and Finnick took the brunt of the wounds today; we have to get somewhere to clean them up. And sleep, everyone is in desperate need of sleep. I turn to the only two left in our group who could be of any help at this moment. Cressida and Pullox. Pullox shakes his head, he doesn't know of anywhere that would be remotely ideal to house all of us. Although, Cressida seems to have a place in mind.

"It's not the best, but hopefully we can at least find some refuge." She sighs, I can see the strain in her face.

Up through two more levels of ladders, and into the apartment of a Capitol woman, who never gets the chance to scream before my arrow pierces her heart. We decorate our skin with ridiculous amounts of makeup, while piling on flamboyant clothing and shoes. Opening the door to the Capitol streets puts my stomach into knots, I have force myself to take steps and each one is harder and harder. We don't talk for more than three miles before we turn a corner into a much quieter section of stores, when we enter the smell of fur surrounds us.

xXx

Tigris. The name is suiting considering all the work she has had done to look cat-like. She doesn't speak very much, but she is willing to let us stay in the basement of her shop and that is all that matters to me.

I descend the stairs carefully; as I do I walk into a long string that leads to a single light bulb in the room. I pull it to illuminate a room that may in fact, make us sitting ducks. The way we come down is the only way out, and the walls are made of cement. If Tigris wanted to cash in on our heads she would never even need to lock the door, besides being out numbered we would be trapped.

Gale follows close behind me with his arm slung around Pullox for support. Cressida helps Peeta to get Finnick down the stairs where we all stand and examine our new quarters. I can see by the look on their faces, the same thoughts I have just processed are now running through their minds. It doesn't matter; we have nowhere else to go. I help to clean Gale and Finnick up in the sink, and then Cressida manages to bandage up what wounds she can. I spread out piles of fur amongst the room making small beds for everyone to sleep in. Within a half hour the noise and breathing of the room settles to a steady, slow rhythm.

Peeta lies facing the wall with his legs tucked up as high as they will go. This makes me smile, because he looks so much younger when he's peaceful. I walk between the sleeping forms and lower myself down next to him, he turns and both of his arms wrap themselves tightly around me. I just inhale; the sweet scent of his body makes me forget the chaos that waits for us. Peeta sighs heavily before he brings his face to meet mine, with our heads against the small pile of furs—we just stare at each other.

Neither of us needs to say it, I know that he is aware we may never see one another again after we get to the City Center. The thought terrifies me, the pain could bring me to my knees and my heart feels like a rose losing its petals. I need Peeta and he needs me. There is no other way to explain this crazy relationship we were forced to develop, but it doesn't matter; I don't need to explain why I love Peeta to anyone.

Before I am fully aware of my actions, I press my lips to his. I savor the texture of his mouth, it's soft and inviting but the scruff on his face makes him seem like more of a man than a teenage boy. It is so quiet in this room, except for the hum of a generator in the corner. I need Peeta, right here and right now. I block out the sounds of our lips colliding and listen to the breathing around us. One, two, three sleeping bodies. Gale is still awake, but he needs to see this. I want him to see the way we are together.

xXx

We just kiss, slowly and softly for a while. We don't speak, except for the occasional sweet nothings Peeta whispers to me. I press my body closer to his, pull his bottom lip out gently with my teeth then let it go. His face lights up, he opens his eyes and his fingers pull at the edge of my underwear, _begging_ for permission. He can have it soon enough, but unlike Peeta…I don't ask for permission. I delve into his pants and just graze him slightly, it drives him crazy.

"Are you serious?" He blatantly asks me, "Even with everybody in the room?"

"Shh! They're all sleeping." I roll over onto my back and lift my shirt over my head.

"Okay" Peeta smiles and follows my example.

On top of me, Peeta kisses my neck while he tries with everything he has to undo the hooks on my bra. When it finally comes off, he triumphantly tosses it aside and kisses me. If I wasn't trying so hard to be quiet, I would have giggled at that too. I let him do whatever he wants, which right now is swirl his tongue around the peaks of my breasts. My insides melt, and I tangle my fingers into his air and force myself not to make any noise.

I remember Gale. I turn in the direction of where he lies, and just ever so faintly I can make out those grey eyes. Full of anger and jealously. I almost feel bad, until Peeta slips his hand between my thighs. His free hand settles on my face and turns it to him. This kiss is wet and long.

"Focus." He says quietly to my mouth.

I don't reply with words, I just push my body up to meet his. In the dim light my eyes travel all over Peetas body, it's glorious. Each muscle fully defined and when he moves his biceps project themselves. I would pick now to explore my sexuality, here in a room full of people. I'm rushed back into reality because Peetas breath is so hot and heavy as he kisses the inner parts of my thighs.

I pull him back up; he would completely neglect himself each time we make love if I let him. I push him onto his back and straddle his torso. I leave sweet kisses all the way down the center of his body, until I reach the line where his underwear begins, I yank them off. I watch as he props himself up onto his elbows and looks at me, I smile but I really have no idea what I am doing. I can hear Peeta swallow and let out a breathy sigh of relief the second my mouth meets him.

I look up, he lies flat on his back again as he pushes the hair from his face and sucks in his bottom lip. I take a deep breath and surround him with my mouth again, the way Peeta tenses up makes me think that what I'm doing is just fine. I decide to push myself further and use my tongue just a little; I don't get to try this out very long because Peeta pulls me back up next to him almost immediately. His face is a glossy shade of red and he pants a little while he speaks.

"Wow. I can't let you do that, I want you too. It's just if you want—"

I smile and shove my mouth against his; will he ever just think of himself? I push away from his kiss and lower myself back to where I was, this time without hesitation I make slight swirling motions with my tongue and use my hand at the same time. Every once and a while a gasp of my name escapes Peetas mouth, and his fingers twirl into my hair. Finally the tension in his body releases and he groans in pleasure. It's rather gross, but I don't let him know I think so, I just quietly spit to the side.

I feel proud of myself for satisfying Peeta in this way; I tuck myself into the nook between his arm and chest and pull the blanket of furs up over us. His body still feels like a thousand suns burning at once and the pink in his face still remains. He kisses the top of my head before scooting down to my level.

"Thank you" I whisper, while snuggling closer.

"For what?"

"Everything. For being here with me, for saving Finnick…just everything."

He doesn't say anything else, just kisses me. The look in his eyes reassures me he knows someone told me about his failing the Block test. I brush back those luscious blonde locks away from his forehead, and just examine the face of the boy who means the world to me. I never thought I would feel this way about anyone, especially Peeta.

"I love you Peeta Mellark." I say just above a whisper.

Peetas eyes well up, just a little and his lips try not to smile. He shuts his eyes pulls me as close as possible, I hear him sniffle just once. I clutch onto his back and hug him tightly, kissing his shoulder. Why now, in the middle of the Capitol have we found peace? I feel Peeta drift off into sleep when his grip loosens and his head falls next to mine. I turn myself in his arms, so my back is against his chest, and pulls his arm around my body.

"I love you, Katniss" He whispers in a quiet, tired voice. He twines his fingers into mine, I fall asleep to the hum of the generator.


	10. Chapter 10

When I wake up, an overwhelming feeling of sadness overtakes my body. What have a just done to Gale? Besides probably scarring him for life with what he most likely witnessed last night, I am one hundred percent sure I have destroyed our friendship. I struggle to free my sweaty body from out from underneath the furs, pull my shirt back on and quietly make my way to the sink. The water doesn't run as hard as it should; even so it's more than sufficient for splashing cool water onto my face. I rest both my elbows on the edge of the sink and take a deep breath, most of me wants to slide down the wall and cry but that is not an option. I feel Gales hand rest on my shoulder and quickly straighten up, I am too ashamed to turn and face him.

"Katniss..." His voice is surprisingly soft, "Look last night wasn't necessary. I get it okay? I was going to try and tell you that in the control room but...we got cut off."

Oh no. Now I just feel even worse than before. I turn and look up at him, searching his face for any kind of answers. I find nothing but hurt and confusion, which i feel myself. I do the only thing I can think of at the moment; I lean my head against his chest and wait to see if Gale still accepts me. He does.

"I'm sorry" I whimper, "Can we just go back to how we used to be?"

"I doubt it, but I'd like to try." His honestly is far from reassuring but, I'll take it. "Just, never ever let me see that again."

I pull back and nod. I also give him a rare feature, i smile. This seems to lighten to roughness in him, even if temporary. i feel us sliding backwards in time, like we are standing in the middle of the woods at dawn. Just the two of us. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, but the musty smell of fur brings me instantly back to our reality. Nothing will ever be the same. I pull away from Gale and make my way back to Peeta.

He is sweating profusely, both his hands dig deep into the pile of fur the cover him. His knuckles and white and I can make out every vein in his upper body, this is no ordinary nightmare. I shake his shoulders, but he doesn't snap out of out. So I try another approach, I calmly brush the hair from his face and whisper his name gently. Nothing. At this point all of Peetas body starts to shake and he sits up abruptly and screams my name. I clasp my hand over his mouth and rest the other on his cheek, locking my eyes with his. Or so I thought. His eyes are wild with fear and confusion and he pushes me away. His breathing is erratic and he can't seem to figure out where he is. I crawl back to him and straddle his lap, and hold his face in my hands.

"Peeta. You're okay, calm down. It was just a dream" I hold his face tightly, probably more so than necessary but, I am scared.

"Katniss." Slowly his hands cover mine and his eyes come back to the beautiful sky blue I love.

"It's okay, I'm here." I kiss him softly on the lips and wait for him to kiss me back before I decide it's okay to stop.

I feel Peeta let out a deep sigh as he pulls me closer and buries his face into my hair. "I hate it here" he whispers into my ear. I know he does, the closer we get to Snows mansion the worse Peetas nightmares seem to become. We cannot stay in this basement forever, it's vital that we push forward.

I can hear Tigris rummaging around upstairs, which makes me think about the time. I look over at Gale, who is helping Finnick change his bandages. I tilt my head to the side and squint, hoping to make out the time on his watch. Four o'clock? Did we sleep an entire day away? I slide off Peeta and let him catch his breath, I turn to Cressida and Pullox who seem to just becoming out of hibernation. Just as i am about to speak, i hear the small panel to the cellar slide open.

"I brought some food for you." Tigris rather loudly, so i assume the shop has been closed.

We make our way upstairs, where we split a chicken and some canned soups. It's time for the Capitols daily news feed, so we gather around the small television and prepare for the latest news. They have narrowed it down to the six of us. I begin to wonder what Coin is thinking at this precise time, oh how she would have enjoyed having me torn to shreds by mutts. I come back to the news as Peeta wraps his arm around my neck and kisses my head. It's mostly shots of us and Peacekeepers, as the Snow tries to portray as a threat to anyone we encounter. After this the most disturbing news comes up. A boy that actually looked nothing like Peeta was beaten to death in the City Center today. My stomach turns when they show a close up of the poor child's body. I can feel Peetas pulse racing, so I carefully slips my fingers between his and squeeze. It seems to calm him a little, but the look of desperation never leaves his eyes.

We come to no rational decisions tonight. Despite the fact that I am certain if I am captured Snow will make a public appearance where Gale could shoot him from the audience. This idea does not go over well with anyone, too many alternate endings says Peeta. The only thing that does get decided is our group of six, cannot travel together anymore. For tonight we will help Finnick try to regain some strength and then by tomorrow afternoon...we make our way into the City Center.

xXx

It's early, because when I peer out the window there is still a low fog covering the ground. Tigris has told us that the President himself is taking in people of the Capitol that have been evacuated; this is our best chance at a shot into the mansion. So here we stand; Dressed head to toe in expensive furs and makeup, as ready as one can be to face their possible last day. As far as I know, none of us will make it out of this alive. I turn to Peeta. He spreads his hand out for me to take with a smile.

"You know why we have spaces between our fingers?" He blushes a little.

"No, why?"

"For the person we love to fill them."

I close my eyes; the sweetness is his voice is so sincere. I do not want anyone to take this moment away from me, this simple sweet statement that I could cling to for days. I squeeze Peetas hand tightly and nod, yes Peeta that is why we have spaces between our fingers.

We need to start leaving, the crowd outside seems to be growing and it is imperative that we blend in. Cressida and Pollux will be sent together, since the two of them will be safer farther away from our 'star squad'. That leaves me, Peeta, Gale and Finnick. There is no ideal way to split us up, but before I can even come up with any sort of argument Peeta let's go of my hand and pushes me towards Gale.

"Peeta? What are you doing?" I say frantically.

"Go with Gale, Katniss."

"No. I want to go with you." Do I mean that? Or is Gale my more ideal partner in this senario?

"Too bad. We've already decided." His tone is suddenly harsh, but I can see right through it.

I look around the room. Not one person will make eye contact with me, when was this decision made? I rush back at Peeta and cling to him like a child. Emotions start to get the best of me, I start to breath heavily and my body feels stiff and scared. I know I need to protect Peeta, especially here in the Capitol. But I am on a mission to kill Snow. And his imminent fear of what happened in the mansion could hold me back. Either way, I cannot lose him again.

xXx

Cressida and Pollux exit the shop. My heart sinks, but after several minutes I don't hear any gun shots or screams. I turn to Peeta and Finnick. Finnick pulls me into a hug first, holding me so tightly it's hard to breath. "I'll do my best to bring him back to you." He whispers, and I kiss his cheek. I stand next to Gale as Finnick and Peeta are about to exit the shop. My heart pounds so loud in my ears I'm not sure how loud my next words come out.

"Wait!" I dash across the room into Peetas arms.

He embraces me, holds me against him without ever letting my feet touch the floor. I pull back a little and lock my watery eyes with his.

"Be careful." He whispers as he presses his forehead to mine.

"I love you." His mouth crashes into mine just as I finish saying that words.

He sets me down and walks back to the door, opens it and allows Finnick out first. He turns, just before exiting and mouths to me: "I love you" puts his fingers to his lips and holds them out to mine. The door shuts, and I lose the will to stand.


	11. Chapter 11

**So just a couple things are I swear I'll shut up! First off, I apologize for the horrendous grammar in the last chapter! This one should be much better! Second, NinaSkyLove thank you so much for your review. That means sooo much to me! Lastly – please don't hate me after you read this chapter, it had to happen to make my future ideas relevant! As always, please please review! Thank you all so much!**

I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. Gale leans down next to me and lifts my face to his. The harshness in his face, his eyes, and his motion is gone; replaced by alarm and concern. I stand back up and wait for him to speak, when he says nothing I ask. 

"There was no ultimate decision was there? Peeta decided just then." 

"Who was going to fight with him Katniss? Besides, he's right." 

I know he is, Gale and I together stand a far better chance than Peeta and myself. I gather my thoughts and head to the door, look back at Tigris and smile. I cannot give her much more, but I think she knows what her kindness meant to us. The air outside is cool and crisp, at first my lungs take a second to adjust to the bitterness. We make our way forward with the crowd, and within in minutes a steady march turns into chaos. The rebels have surely arrived and they are not taking time to interview their victims. Up against the window of a shop, Gale holds me by the shoulders. 

"If we fire, everybody knows it's us. What do you want to do?" 

"No. We have to get to Snow." I plead with him. As I turn to face to the crowd, a pod is activated. 

People within feet of us are spurting blood from every orifice on their body. I feel sick, but I take Gales hand and run. We weave our way through bodies and slick warm blood. Finally we cover another block. Peacekeepers begin marching up behind us but, even they aren't immune to the pods. The ground begins to split into two different levels, tilting backwards and forwards. My only reaction is to run so I scream for Gale to do the same. I lose him in the panic, but right now I have a one track mind to survive. I can hear the screams of people falling into whatever lies beneath my dangling feet; I force myself to have the strength to pull my body up. When I finally do stand back up, I search everywhere for Gale. I spot him hanging on tightly to a door knob of a nearby shop. If he could just open the door, it would swing right open and he would be safe. We make eye contact and Gale nods, I shoot the door and it flings open. 

He lands rather abruptly on the hard wood floor, takes a second to catch his breath but then stands back up and yells something to me. I squint at him; I don't understand what he's saying. He begins to point and yell more frantically, so I turn in the direction of his pointing finger. Steam. Another pod that takes no prisoners and will not stop before it reaches the very ground I stand on. I look back at Gale, but he's no longer waiting inside the shop. He has begun to scale the wall; I do my best to avoid the poor soul's fingers hanging on for dear life as I try to meet him where the ground is solid again. 

We collide, Gale holds me so tightly I forget where we are for just a second. He pulls me back, looks around quickly then drags me by the hand around two more blocks before we encounter our toughest obstacle yet.

xXx 

We are surrounded by Peacekeepers. Gale throws off his jacket and reveals his bow, aiming it directly at the heart of the closest person. I admire his courage, or insanity, and do the same. A crowd of people goes silent for a moment. I raise my bow as Gale has and snarl. I am tough as nails and not one of the Peacekeepers has the aim of Gale and me. I feel on top of the world, and just as I pull back an arrow-Peeta and Finnick are pushed to their knees with guns trained on the back of their skulls. 

I cease breathing, blinking, and thinking. I am numb to the world around me. I hear the crowd yelling, but I cannot make out their words. I drop my gaze to meet Peetas. He's bleeding; it looks like someone has violently hit him with the butt of a gun. The look in his eyes screams terror. All my functions come back at once, when out of the corner of my eye I see them. 

Shining silver parachutes dropping from a hovercraft. I follow their decent with my eyes, as they drop to the children locked behind a wall of steel. They scramble to receive them, knowing from years of Games that it means gifts. That's when it happens, the bombs. The massacre so many. The Peacekeepers are caught as off guard as the four of us, they seem to forget we exist and hit the ground almost instantly. We are still far enough way to avoid the actual fire and explosions, but the sounds that erupt are deafening. Then the medics come, I'm rushing towards Peeta when I turn just to see her for a second. She's still so far away; maybe I'm wrong, it cannot be her. I change my course and start to run toward her, screaming at the top my lungs. 

Then second round of bombs go off. I am pulled to the ground a split second before and covered by someone's body. I kick, claw and force myself body upright. I throw my hand over my mouth, I am suddenly sure I am going to be sick. I cannot find her anywhere. There's burning bodies everywhere. I scream for her. Prim, little Prim. I begin to sob, lose control of my body. I can barely make out Gales voice as he pulls me backwards from the bodies. I yank my arm away and continue yelling for her, hoping to hear her sweet voice again. 

I see blonde locks, but before I am able to make myself move any further forward Peeta appears in front of me. I try to push past him, but his eyes lock with mine and he shakes his head. I am frantic; I scream obscenities in his face and try to get around him. He easily lifts me over his shoulder and begins to move further away from her, I refuse to leave her like this. I manage to knee Peeta in the groin and take off running. I trip over rubble, people, goods but I do not stop until I reach her poor fragile body. 

I turn her body to mine, I do not want recognize this little girl. I whisper to her softly, no response. She is not dead. Please. Not Prim. The tears stream down my face and land on her chest. I shake her a little, still nothing. I begin to scream for anyone to help me save her. No one comes. I tuck back a piece of her hair behind the good side of her face; I notice my hands are shaking. I press my forehead to hers and begin to rock back and forth. My sobbing is so loud; the sound of my own sorrow makes me whimper even louder. I begin to beg for her life, but no one is around to hear me. I try humming a song for her, but it is so broken up with tears I barely recognize my melody. I don't know how long I stay with her uninterrupted. When the sting of a bullet pierces my lung, I don't care to notice. Let me die.

The only thing that forces me to hang on is Peeta. I slip in and out of consciousness, but I can hear him screaming in the room next to mine. The tears never end, until I am induced into a coma. There is no safety in this dream driven world, I see her face all over. My heart sinks to my stomach, and I do not care to rescue it.


	12. Chapter 12

Constant pain and agony are the only things I feel. Morphling is a sweet release that occasionally heals my need for nothingness. I am pulled slowly out my un-enchanted dreamland into an even less likeable reality. People come and go, and I force myself into a blank stare. I don't want to talk to anyone, not even my mother who sleeps in a chair across from my bed in-between shifts. A few days into my self-pity party, I break my staring contest with the wall to find Haymitch lingering in the corner of my room. We hold each other's gaze a few minutes, as he seems to read my mind with his actions. Slowly, he begins to walk toward my bed, sits down next to me and proceeds to explain to me what has happened.

After I found Prim, the Peacekeepers regained their heads and began to come after us. Finnick and Gale did all they could to hold them off. Gale took two bullets, but is currently flushing out Peacekeepers in 2. Finnick was also shot, but the bullet only grazed his thigh and has already been reunited with Annie. I took a single bullet to the chest, which pierced my lung. The Capitol fell the day the parachutes went off, and Coin now leads Panem. Haymitch does not mention Peeta. I sit and stare at him, waiting to hear about his condition. He takes a deep breath, turns away from me.

"Peeta…isn't stable right now Katniss," He looks back up at my confused face "he had some sort of mental relapse. When we picked him up in the City Center he was disoriented and shouting for us not to touch him. He was shot several times and needed medical attention, once we entered the hospital all hell broke loose. He just lost it. Started screaming and begging for his life."

Now I am sure I have lost everything. I can feel the tears streaming down my cheeks, but I don't bother to wipe them away. I turn away from Haymitch and burry my face into my pillow. He says nothing else, just leaves. But not before laying a gentle 'I'm sorry' kiss on my head.

xXx

Dr. Aurelius tells everyone to just leave me alone. I like him. He stops into my room here and there and asks if I'd like to talk. When I don't respond he slumps himself down in a chair and takes a nap. I'm okay with this because I am not forced to listen to a ridiculous dialogue regarding my safety. Other than this, I try not to think...my mind has other plans. I constantly think of those I have single handedly caused to lose their lives. Each day my heart is in a place of agony, being punched and kicked around the center of my chest. As the days pass Dr. Aurelius decides in fact, there is no physical damage to my voice, and therefore the severe trauma I have experienced is forcing me into a self-proclaimed avox. I am released and sent to the mansion where I am assigned a room with my mother, whom is never there.

Since this is the case, Haymitch becomes my soul caretaker. I make his job difficult. I find myself wandering into unknown rooms, closets, bathrooms or abandoned conference rooms. I sleep the majority of the day, each day. Today, I am given news regarding President Snow: He has been tried and found guilty. It pleases me, but it is not a surprise. Upon one of my wandering excursions I decide to turn left instead of right down my usual hallway. I like it here. There is no one around, the colors do not make my eyes water with their brightness and the thick carpets mute even my footsteps. Suddenly I am stricken with fear when I smell them. Roses. Real roses. I let a few minutes pass before I decide there are no mutts out to get me. My heart still races at the scent, I finally come to a decorative door filled with stained glass as high as the ceiling and straight down to the floor. I reach for the large handle, unaware of the two guards who suddenly drop their guns in an X shape in front of my face.

I still do not speak. I just stare at them, waiting for one or both to understand that my need to enter this room is not just for me, but for others as well. They do not drop their weapons.

"Let her in," The voice strikes me as familiar. I turn to see Paylor, the commander from 8. "On my authority"

I push open the glorious doors and wait for them to shut behind me. A short hallway leads me to another set of doors, these made of crystal clear glass. I push them open and the smell rushes at me, strong at first but it's so overwhelming it slowly begins to level out into the only scent I absorb. My eyes have a hard time covering the rows and rows filled with a variety of colored roses. It beautiful, really, the amount of flowers this room contains. I make my way down the aisles, until I find the perfect one. I pull my sleeve over my fingers and grab a pair of shearing scissors. Just as I am about to snap it gently...he speaks. My body flows over with fear and anger, but I cannot move. I am frozen and forced to listen to the words pouring out of his mouth.

"I thought you should know how very sorry I am about your sister."

It's like knives, all over my body. I feel weak and lean my hand against the wall for support. He continues to speak, about how he cannot believe the masterful plan Coin displayed. How she used the hovercraft and parachutes to split the little alliance the Capitol people still had with him. "Did you know it aired live? You can see Plutarch's hand there" I hear him speaking but each word throws me further and further into a tailspin. "I am afraid we were both played for fools."

Beetee, Gale, the traps. Frozen and confused I regain myself and look him directly in the eyes "I don't believe you."

"Oh, my dear Miss Everdeen. I thought we agreed not to lie to each other."

xXx

I stumble back to my room and fling open the door. I can feel my breathing becoming rapid; I force the rose into a glass of water and leave it on the sink in the bathroom. Clutching anything in sight for support I try my best to stay standing until I make it back to my bed. I have to know what happened, the truth. My body begins to go limp, I am about to throw myself onto the mattress when I am stopped at the sight of Peeta. He looks weak, and grey. He sits twisting a bracelet around his wrist tightly, so that it leaves deep red marks in his skin. His hands shake a little in the process but he stands anyways and walks towards me. I can't quite catch my breath before the flood of tears comes.

Just like he did when he came back from the Capitol to 13, Peeta takes my face into his hands ever so gently. They are still shaking, and his bottom lip quivers with the fear of an outburst of tears. Our foreheads meet; I wrap my hands over his and realize I am shaking as well. Neither of us speaks, we just cry. I know Peeta is broken the way I am, so I do not hold back. Somehow our stumbling feet lead us to the bed where we lie face to face. Tears soak the pillows under our heads and all we can do is hold one another. Peeta wraps both arms around me, that's when I notice the bruises from the restraints. I reach out to touch them gently, but he jerks away instinctively. I am confused as to why Peeta would need to be restrained, until I remember what Haymitch said. I put my hand on his cheek and kiss him softly. I realize how much I need Peeta at this exact moment.


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm sorry if these are boring- there are some very emotionally heart wrenching, exciting and lemon filled scenes in the near future. **

Cradled together in a mess of emotions, Peeta and I fall asleep. My nightmares are filled with Snows voice and cowering stature, they revolve around every sentence he spoke. My mind races trying to fight against the thought that his words might be true. I play the situation over and over in my head, I could watch the tapes if I wanted too, but...I do not think I could handle seeing Prim. Prim-what was she doing here? Someone had to approve a thirteen year old on the front lines. I am wrenched out my dreams when Peeta starts mumbling in his sleep, twisting and twisting the bracelet around his wrist. A role reversal, Peeta usually comforts me when the nightmares take over, but this time it's me who gently touches his cheek bones with my thumbs. I whisper his name quietly and his eyes flare open. Wide-eyed and frantic. They scream the way his mouth does not. He lets out a deep breath, like he had been holding it for hours.

"I have to go find Haymitch" I whisper in his ear, his grip tightens and even his whisper back seems nervous.

"Please don't leave me here alone."

I stand and walk to the small table across the room; I pick up a morphling tablet and break it in half. I crush it with the bottom of a glass, and then stop. Here I am drugging Peeta...again. I sigh, then walk back to where he sits on the bed and hand him the glass of water with the crushed up morphling inside. It's enough to put him to sleep, but not enough to numb him from the world. He drinks it quickly, once at the bottom he stops. He knows, but he doesn't say anything. Just hands me back the glass and lays his head down on the pillow.

"At least wait till I fall asleep."

Guilt and sorrow take the place of agony. Peetas tone is bitter, but I do as he asks and wait for his breathing to come to a soft rhythm before leaving the room. I travel light footed down the hallway and knock quietly at Haymitch's door. When there is no answer, I push my way in. The smell is vile, like no one has ever cleaned the room or washed the sheets. I spot him sprawled out on the bed, with a bottle about to slip from his hand. I shake him a few times with no sign of acknowledgment. So, I take to my old ways and dump a small bucket of water over his face. Immediately he springs up, waving a knife in my face. I can see he too, hasn't changed. Even though Snow is not in power, Peeta and I not the only ones still on edge.

It takes him a moment to gather himself, he is still tanked. For some reason this makes me furious, I need Haymitch to listen to me very carefully when I explain what I am thinking. I sit in the chair across from his bed and fold my hands together. He does his best to sit up straight and pay attention, although he is swaying slightly back and forth. I am about to open my mouth and blurt everything out when Haymitch cuts me off.

"So. How's the voice?" He looks upwards at the ceiling.

"Wha-its better" I say quietly and lift an eyebrow.

"Good, good. Anyways, sorry I overslept. Give me a few minutes to get ready f-f-for lunch" He slurs.

Even in this state Haymitch is one step ahead me. Cameras. Of course the mansion in bugged with cameras! How could I be so quick to forget? I smile at him and shake my head.

"Oh I was just coming to tell you I couldn't make it. I think I need to stay with Peeta"

"Good. _I was thinking the same thing_."

Confirmation.

xXx

I sprint back to my room, to Peeta. I fling open the door but he doesn't even budge. I shake him awake; force him to come out the haze of morphling. I need him awake now, I am in a state of frenzy, panic, dishevelment. I can't keep my thoughts together. I shake him harder; he moans a little and sits up quickly.

"What? What's wrong?" He puts his hand on my face, "Are you okay?"

His tone is different. Calm and sweet, it takes me by surprise and I start to cry. His eyes soften even more, and he wraps an arm around my neck and pulls me to his chest. I sob into his shirt for a long time before my body just gives up. He pulls me back slowly and brushes off the remainder of my tears. The terrified look in his eyes has faded slightly, I don't know how or why but this brings a small smile to my face. Peeta kisses me. At first it catches me off guard, but I shut my eyes anyways and kiss him back. I lose myself in the softness of his mouth, the smell of his hair and the roughness of his stubble. I let my mind empty, my muscles relax and my hands travel around Peetas back.

"Peeta" I whimper, "I need you. I can't do this without you, please don't leave me."

He looks slightly confused but he shakes his head anyways. Kisses me again. "I won't, I promise."

That's when I see it, the words on his bracelet. They match the one around mine "MENTALLY DISORIENTED" in big bold letters. More guilt. I know it's not my fault the Capitol tortured Peeta, but I still feel like I let him down. I let everyone down.

"Katniss?" Peeta stammers, "I am so tired".

I stand, and grab the second half the morphling pill and swallow it dry. When I turn back Peeta is already removing his shirt and pulling up the covers up. I strip down to my underwear, and climb in next to him. Our bodies meld together and our breathing slows. I feel Peeta kiss my head before I close my eyes and see nothing but black.

xXx

Light steaks of orange and yellow sting the floor and different patterns. The sun is peaking up over the buildings of the Capitol. The beams dance along the floor and up onto the wall the longer I watch them.

I hear the door creek slowly open, immediately I reach down slowly to Peetas pocket, hoping to find a knife.

"Hello Katniss"

"Effie" I breathe out, nearly falling out of bed.

"Oh, I wasn't aware you had company!" She smirks, but her eyes don't reflect her smile. They are hollow and hurt. "Todays another big, big, big day!"

Both Peeta and I stand, I realize I am in nothing but my underwear and how this must look. Effie reaches out to kiss Peetas cheek, but he jerks away. It's not on purpose and I can tell by the look on his face he feels awful. However, Effie is un-phased. She just takes an extra step towards me and kisses my cheek instead. I smile, but I am so confused and have so many questions I would like to ask her- when I hear them pipe up. My prep team.

"Surprise!" Octavia squeals with joy.


	14. Chapter 14

Today is the day I get my wish. I kill Snow. I smile, and the three of them do their best to keep good spirits. Flavius sighs as he lifts a piece of my matted hair, then looks back at Effie who just shrugs. This is going to be an extremely long process, remaking me to beauty base zero. But I'm excited to see them again in a weird way, I'm glad Plutarch saved them for me.

"Every other prep team is dead you know. And the stylists..." Venia trails off, and picks up one my hands loosely. "I was thinking red or black for your nails, what you do you think?"

It's rhetorical. So instead of answering I just study the anxiety in her eyes. It was a random outburst of fact, like she had been holding it in until she saw me. Either way, I'm being tugged away, and for a few moments I almost forget about Peeta. He stands in the corner near Effie, awkwardly twisting and turning his bracelet. Our eyes meet, I wonder if the two of us can ever recover from this war. He seems more nervous now that we won't be together for a few hours; I stop and pull against Octavia. I'm released and stroll back up to Peeta, press my body tightly against his. There's no hesitation before he wraps both arms around my shoulders, I can feel some of the tension in his body release the second we touch.

"Don't worry Katniss, he's coming with me." Effie says reassuringly, "I'll back to get you soon."

I release Peeta but his hand connects with one of mine and he squeezes tightly, pressing his forehead to mine. Normally being this affectionate in front of others is like putting a spot light on my face. But Peeta needs it, so I take my free hand and place it on his cheek, stand up on my tip toes and kiss him softly. "It'll be okay" I whisper against his lips. I say this for both our sakes, Prim flashes into my mind and I have to cough and clear my throat before I burst into tears. Effie sticks her arm under Peetas and leads him out of the room. Flavius, Octavia and Venia let out an "aw" simultaneously.

It doesn't take nearly as long as I suspected. When I look into the mirror I am shocked, as always, to see how beautiful they have made me look. I run my fingers over the Mockingjay suit, tilting my head in the mirror to admire Cinnas last gift to me. I start to feel sick; so many people I love are gone. Peeta is all I really have left. My mother loves me of course, but she is so distant. Thankfully interrupting my thoughts is a light tap on the door. I turn and open it, hoping to see Peeta. It's Gale. The sick feeling comes back.

xXx

After my prep team hides themselves in the bathroom, Gale presents me with a sheath and a single arrow. The first parachutes. Boom. The second set parachutes. Boom. Prim. I shake my head to clear the image. I know Gale can tell I'm distracted, so I try to remember how we used to be. It feels like a lifetime ago. Just a boy and a girl alone in the woods, doing everything they could to keep their families alive. Finally I work up the courage to look him in the eye. I can't hold it in any longer.

"Was it your bomb?"

"We don't know... It doesn't matter either way Katniss. You will always think it was."

There's a long period of silence. Of hate and disapointment, in what or who I'm not entirely sure. I don't deny what Gale says, even though we both wish I could.

"I'm sorry." Gale says softly, "shoot straight, okay?"

I try to remember the circumstances when he invented this trap. To remember that it was never meant to be used on people I knew and loved. But I can't. I let him leave the room without another word. I take a moment to gather myself, squeeze my fists tightly together. I can't do this anymore. I just want everything and everyone to go away. I think about escaping to one of my hiding places in the mansion. When Venia peaks out from behind the bathroom door.

"Katniss? Are you alright?"

I don't get the chance to answer, because Effie returns to drag me to some sort of meeting. I sling the sheath over my shoulder, and then suddenly remember the rose. Still perfect and glistening inside the small glass on the sink. I drag myself behind Effie down several hallways and into different rooms, before was finally entering a grand conference room. I'm expecting the works. Plutarch waving his hands around in the air trying to make a small point look more important than it really is...but there's just seven others sitting around a large table in the center of the room. Peeta, Johanna, Haymitch, Beetee, Enobaria, Finnick and Annie.

"What's going on?" I inquire to Haymitch.

"Looks like this is the last of the victors."

Beetee fills me in on what has happened to any of the other victors that may have been living. Rebel verses Capitol allies. So many unnecessary deaths. I take the only remaining seat, that isn't the head of the table, across from Peeta. He looks up at me and manages a smile. Coin enters the room, and without hesitation begins to explain the reason for our meeting:

_"I've asked you here to settle a debate. Today we will execute Snow. In the previous weeks, hundreds of his accomplices in the oppression of Panem have been tried and now await their deaths. However, the suffering in the districts has been so extreme that these measures appear insufficient to the victims. In fact, many are calling for a complete annihilation of those who held Capitol citizenship. However, in the interest of maintaining a sustainable population, we cannot afford this. So, an alternative has been placed on the table. Since my colleagues and I can come to no consensus, it has been agreed that we will let the victors decide. A majority of five will approve the plan. No one may abstain from the vote. What has been purposed is that in lieu of eliminating the entire Capitol population, we have a final, symbolic Hunger Games, using the children directly related to those who held the most power."_

At first the room in quiet. Everyone takes this in. Peeta speaks first.

"Are you joking? We can't have another Hunger Games!" He's extremely flustered and his cheeks are flushing red with anger.

"Was this Plutarch's doing?" Haymitch asks emotionless.

"No, it was mine." Coin proudly pushes out her chest.

"Well I vote yes. Even Snow has a granddaughter." Smiles Johanna.

"Yeah, let them see how it feels." Enobaria grins with pleasure.

"What the hell is wrong with you two? This is why we rebelled!" yelps Peeta. He turns quickly to Finnick.

"Both Annie and I are voting no, with Peeta." Finnick says firmly planting his fist on the table.

More silence. I catch Beetees eye. It's a hard stare, his head tilts slightly to the side. I do not make any movement or facial expression. But Beetee is smart.

"I vote yes." He states simply.

The rose in front me taunts my senses. It threatens to make me vomit. I look up at a pleading Peeta.

"Katniss? Say no. Vote no. Please!" He looks so confused and anxious.

So this is how it started? A group on people just got together and decided to control other children's fate? All the people I have ever loved, become friends with, worked with, needed...are dead. And yet here we sit, discussing the next Games. _Nothing has changed. Nothing will ever change now_. I lock my eyes on the rose.

"I vote yes. I vote yes for Prim."

"Katniss!" Peeta hisses.

"Haymitch?" Coin holds back a sneer.

This is it. Depending on what Haymitch votes, I will know just how alike we are. If he understands our previous conversation the way I did. If he knows what I know.

"I'm with the Mockingjay," is all he says.

"No! What? How is this happening! " Peeta is flustered. His heart beating out of his chest, the bracelet digging deeper and deeper into his skin. His breathing becoming heavier. He is taken out of the room.

I lift the glass with the rose, hand it to Coin and ask that it be placed over Snows heart. The pleasure on her face sickens me. I swept up by people, spoken to in a hundred voices. Instructions flying at me full force. I just nod and walk slowly behind those who guide me to the terrace in front of the Presidents mansion. The crowd is enormous. I sweep over the people on the terrace with me, I look for Peeta. Sitting next to Haymitch with his head between his legs. He sits up slowly and looks at me, just for a second and shakes his head before looking away. Maybe someday soon he'll understand. If I live that long.

I point my arrow directly at Snows chest, it rises and falls. He begins to cough wildly, two small rivers of blood fall from the sides of his mouth. He shows no sign of remorse, sorrow, or anger...just emptiness. His last words pry their way into my brain one last time. "_I thought we agreed not to lie to each other_". I shift my aim upwards, at the new Presidents head. Pull back. Over the railing and into the crowd, Coin falls. Dead. His cackling laugh echoes in my head as the grey uniforms begin to rush at me. I think about what my life with be now: torture? Prison? Certain death. My mother will be alone. Have to face me, her only living family member. I cannot handle this. I look down at my sleeve. Perhaps Cinnas outfit was not his last gift, but what it contains. I close my eyes, whisper "good night" to my bow and turn my head to rip the pill from its pocket. 

Only my teeth do not find fabric, they sink deep into Peetas hand. His grip on my arm is so tight it hurts. This grip says: I am never letting go. He rips the sleeve from me, tossing it over his shoulder. Both his hands reach for my face, he starts to yell. His words are not angry though, he looks scared but not the way he did this morning. I try to focus on his mouth. More hands are grabbing at me now; Peeta twines his fingers into mine and holds on tightly. Finger by finger we are pulled apart. I watch him pull a knife from his leg pocket. I knew it was there. He flips it outwards and threatens anyone immediately near him. He looks back me, confused and angry but not scared. No longer mentally disoriented. But alone. So alone. I let my body go limp; I can hear Peeta yelling for me. The tears are uncontrollable. I'm torn between the wish for freedom of by nightlock and holding onto him forever.


	15. Chapter 15

**Okay, so I need some opinions! Would you all prefer that I include the epilogue here? Or make it a separate story?**

Tossed into an empty room. Alone. There is nothing hanging from the walls, the closet, not even sheets on the bed. No matter how empty I know this place, it haunts me. My old room from Games. I force myself to stand and press my palms against the thick glass. The people look like ants from so high up, but I wonder what's happening down there. The thought doesn't last long. Sadness overtakes my body and I begin to feel weak again. I don't make it all the way to the bed before my knees buckle to the floor. I give in to all sides of emotion, planting my forehead on the ground on front of my knees and sobbing. I don't know, or care, how long I let this go on for. But when I sit up, tears and sweat drip down my face. I manage to drag myself to the bathroom, and stand in front of the mirror.

The makeup my prep team applied now flows in streams down either side of my face, my lipstick covers half of my chin and neck and my hair is fraying from its braids. I strip myself of my Mockingjay outfit, folding what's left of it onto the bed. I walk to the bathroom and turn on the hot water, at first it burns my skin but after a few minutes it mellows out. I resume my position and begin to cry again. My chest burns, causes me to roll over onto my side. At first I chalk it up to the bullet wound, but I slowly realize that it's my heart.

The water never gets cold, but it just shuts off. I don't want to get up, move, breathe or live. This pain in my chest forces me to stay where I am. I can't cry anymore. When my body starts to shake with cold I scoot myself into an upright position. Slowly, I make my way back to my bed. Where a white t-shirt and pair of shorts has been laid out, next to a thin blanket. I pile my hair on top of my head and wrap it in a rubber band, pull on the clothes and lay on the bed with the blanket over my head.

xXx

The growl of my stomach throws me out of a nightmare and back into purgatory. Nothing in the room has changed except for the smell of food. I glance over at the table where a plate of food has magically appeared, with a side of morphling pills. I swallow the medication first, then immediately inhale every bite of food on the plate. Why are they feeding me? I thought for sure by now I would be tied to a post and shot at.

It goes on like this for a long time. Days turn into weeks before I lose track of time. Insanity bites at my heels as I begin to talk to myself. It's never about anything really, but sometimes I talk about Peeta or Prim. Either way I end up in tears and the tight painful feeling in my chest comes back. Other times I sing every song I can remember. Loud and clear, my voice is rough at first but it gets better. Even the birds would wait for me to finish if they could hear.

I begin to think they will never let me out of this room. That this is how they plan to leave me for the rest of my life. The thought drives me deeper into insanity, I sit facing the window breathing heavily to create a fog then drawing small pointless circles. I notice through my breaths that it's snowing; the Capitol is covered in a loose powder of white. I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling, "do you really love me Katniss?" I can hear Peetas voice clear as day. I remember the night of Finnick and Annie's wedding, I smile. I miss the way he looks at me, holds me, kisses me, and protects me. The pain in my chest is back. I'll never get to see Peeta again, not locked up in this hell hole. I don't even know what happened to him after he pulled out his knife; he could be in the room just next to mine for all I know.

I stand up quickly and dash for the door, I shake the handle wildly. It's no use; it's locked and bolted from the outside. But then something clicks, the door pushes open and I stand face to face with Haymitch. He looks at me for a long time before he speaks, like he has been here. Lost his mind, and tried to find it again.

"Come on, put these on" He hands me a small pile of clothes, "You're trials over. We're going home."

Home? Home to what? To the ashes of people I used to see every day? To Victors Village where the memories will hit me full force. To nothing, I think.

xXx

He stands over me until I change, then turns and walks out the door. I assume I am to follow, and do. We board the hovercraft and take off immediately. Across from me sits Plutarch and Haymitch. Plutarch would talk to a wall if he thought it seemed interested, I half listen to his babble until we drop him off in District 3. That's when Haymitch begins to wander around, throwing things looking for liquor. I tuck my legs up underneath me and try not to think, I fail.

"Why are you coming back?" I ask flatly.

"I guess I don't fit in, in the Capitol either." He says with a shrug.

"They made you come back with me, didn't they? As my mentor you have to watch over me." Then I realize why this would be, "She's not coming back" I breathe.

"No. And you know why." He slowly reveals a letter tucked into his jacket and hands it across to me.

"What about Peeta? Where is he?"

"He's not coming back Katniss"

Horrible, stifling pain drags itself across my heart. I have no one, not even Peeta. The hovercraft lands and I don't wait for Haymitch. I just run until I've reached Peetas porch, shove the door open and run up the stairs. I fall across his bed and clutch onto his pillow. I'm shaking with hurt and confusion, my tears falls onto his sheets as I try to take deep breathes and find his scent. It's faint but it's there, which only makes it worse.

xXx

In the morning, I'm no longer in Peetas bed. I am covered with a large blanket and lay with my legs hanging over the chair. Broken-hearted, alone, depressed and suicidal. I have nothing left to live for, I decide I will just sit in this very spot until hunger or dehydration consumes me. My plan doesn't even make it until the next night. Greasy Sae and her granddaughter enter through the front door, she yells for me but I do not answer. I can smell the food warming on the stove, my mouth starts to water.

For some reason I cannot refuse her, she sits in front of me and spoons the stew into my mouth like an infant. After a few bites she sets the bowl on my lap and drops in the spoon. I take the spoon out and lift the bowl to my mouth, and pour the soup down my throat. It goes on like this every day, twice a day, for a month. Greasy Sae comes, cooks and makes a fire. Occasionally she forces me to shower and re-braid my hair. The phone rings constantly, but I never answer.

Today is different, the air in the house feels warmer and Greasy Sae doesn't come. Instead the doorbell rings. I jump at the sound, and have to take a few seconds to let my heart settle before forcing myself to answer. The person here is a stranger. I do not recognize a single feature; my face must register the same because she immediately introduces herself.

"Katniss? My name is Helena. Paylor sent me...since you seem to be having phone troubles."

I don't answer her. I just stand there awkwardly, waiting for her to continue.

"Well, anyways. I just here to get you ready."

"Ready for what?" No one lives here; I don't need to impress anyone.

"I'm not sure, honestly. I was just told to...improve your look. And make sure you're in the meadow by seven pm."

I don't question her, because I simply do not care what the Capitol has set up for me to do. I sit and allow her to fix my hair, add makeup to my face and whiten my teeth. By the time the process is over it's nearly seven. Helena packs up her makeup and other transformation tools and walks herself to the door.

"It was nice to meet you Katniss. Remember, by seven."

I glance at the clock hanging from the wall. I lift myself from the chair, feeling stiffness in my legs. Outside there are clouds rolling in with a spring rain. I strip myself of my usual outfit, Peetas t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants. I pull on the strapless dress that was left for me, and the matching jacket. I feel ridiculous. I want to cry, but I have no energy left. I slowly make my way out the door and towards the meadow.

xXx

It's been well over an hour, now I sit cross legged and cold. The rain doesn't take to me gently either, it comes down in sheets of thick drops and forces the mascara on my eyes to run down my cheeks. I lay on my side and close my eyes. Just let this be it. I open my eyes to see a single primrose has blossomed, and around it a dandelion twists itself. This isn't happening. I pull my knees to my chest and begin to sob again. The thunder is so loud and the lightening that strikes could be only feet away. I still don't move, I just soak myself in self-pity. Covered in mud and grass, makeup running down my face I feel more alone than ever. I open my eyes just as the lightning flashes to see two sneakers, with double knotted shoelaces.


	16. Chapter 16

I choke on my tears, scramble to my feet. I keep my eyes closed though; I am utterly terrified that what I saw was an allusion. That if I open my eyes I will still be alone, I want to hold onto this hope forever. He doesn't reach out and touch me, doesn't speak. I begin to think I imagined the whole thing but when I open my eyes, Peeta is staring directly at me.

"I called you, every day." He says, irritated.

I don't even know how to feel, let alone try and form words. So I just stand there shaking like a leaf, looking like a lost little girl. The rain starts to come down harder, I randomly feel defensive towards his tone and take a step back.

"Why didn't you answer! I didn't know if something happened to you!" He yells over the thunder.

"You didn't come back with me! You just left me with Haymitch! I needed you!" I actually have no idea what situation Peeta was in after I was isolated, so rightfully, I should not be accusing him of anything.

"I-you don't...they wouldn't let me leave! That's why I called you! Every day, three times a day! I wrote you letters, damn Katniss!" He sounds less angry and more heart-broken.

I suddenly realize he's only defensive because he's worried, and hurt. He thinks I don't want him anymore. That my ignoring his calls and letters means I no longer love him. The exact same way I feel. I lunge myself at him, wrapping my bare legs around his waist. My hands clutch the back of his neck as I press my lips against his. There's no hesitation on his behalf, immediately we are caught in the middle of the most passionate kiss we have ever shared. I pull back and look at him, the lightning ignites his beautiful facial features, and I kiss him again. Peetas hands find their way underneath my legs, the second they touch my bare skin my whole body is on fire. He pulls back first, so I rest my forehead on his. I take in the feel of his hair, the heat of his breath and the touch of his hands. The boy, my boy, with the bread is the only thing I have left.

"I love you" I say quietly, brushing my lips against his. He shuts his eyes and I feel his chest expand then deflate, as he lets out a sigh of relief.

"I need you too," He says kissing me, "and I love you like crazy." I feel my cheeks heat up, no one is around to hear him but his words make me feel so giddy I blush.

xXx

All the way to Victors Village, Peeta and I walk hand in hand dripping from head to toe. When we reach the circle, there is no light on in Peetas house. But he tugs me gently in its direction and pushes open the door, the fireplace is roaring and there are candles lacing the kitchen, the power must be out. Haymitch! He knew Peeta was coming. I guess he must have answered the phone for once. Peeta shuts the door behind us and begins stripping the wet clothes from his body; he peels the shirt off his chest and tosses it in the corner. I stand with my jaw on the floor looking at his body. He laughs a little and blushes.

"What?" He smirks.

"No, nothing! I just, nothing." I ramble like an idiot.

He takes few steps closer to me, I back up until I bump into the wall. All the sadness from my body has been drained and replaced with elation. Peeta kisses me, gently placing his hands on my waist, as if he doesn't want to move too fast. I feel my hand rise up and rest on his face, pulling it closer to mine, begging him to touch me more. It doesn't take long; my legs are already taunting him. His hands come around my back, and down underneath my butt to lift me up around his waist again. This closeness has been missing from my life for so long, so I make sure to touch every part of his bare skin as he carries me up the stairs to his bedroom. On the last step, Peetas foot catches and we hit the wood floor. I laugh, so hard it makes my belly hurt. Peeta rolls off me, looks at me puzzled at first, but he can't help himself from laughing too. After a few minutes of this I finally roll onto my side and look deep into those eyes I love so much.

"Don't ever leave me again." I say sturdily.

"I won't. I promise. But you have to answer the phone." Peeta whispers with a smile.

He leans forward and I meet him, colliding in another long, wet kiss. I break first and force myself to stand, even though the butterflies in my stomach threaten to make me float. I extend my hand and help Peeta to his feet. We both glance down the hall at his door, cracked slightly open with an orange-yellow glow seeping out. I stand in the middle of the hall and peel the jacket from my shoulders, dropping it behind me. I kick off the hideously high heels I was ordered to wear and turn on the ball of my foot toward the bedroom. Peetas smile takes over his whole face, following close behind me and shuts and locks the door to the bedroom. My heart is racing, and I am shivering a little from the cold. Peeta seems nervous, more so than the first time we were together.

I decide to make the first move; I stand on my tip toes and nudge my nose with his. Catching his bottom lip with mine, once or twice. I hear him swallow hard, feel his hands shaking as they wrap around my body. We are both frozen to the core, so I decide to push my brashness even further. I take a step back and unzip my dress, drop it around my feet and walk towards the bathroom. The second my foot hits the tiles, the heated floor is activated. It feels like hot coals underneath my numb toes, but I welcome it anyway. I reach into the enormous shower and wave my fingers in front of the dial; it spurts a little at first but then steadies to a warm stream of droplets. I turn to see Peeta leaning against the doorway, smiling.

I turn away from him, unhook my bra and toss it aside. I look over my shoulder to see he has straightened up and is examining each inch of my skin, so I give him the last of it, and slide down my panties. Then step into the hot water, which burns so bad at first but feels so good at the same time. I wait patiently for Peeta to work up his courage and join me, which he does. He steps in and pushes the wet hair from my face, wipes away the last of the makeup. Peeta kisses me passionately and leans me against the shower wall, that same wild rush of heat breaks out all over my body, as I run my fingers down the center of his chest to the very tip of his manhood. The quiet breathy moan Peeta lets out makes my insides melt. He reaches up with one hand and gently grabs my breast, running his thumb over its peak. I lean my head against the wall and his name escapes my mouth, no part of my body is cold anymore.

Peeta slams his hand against the off button, and lifts me up again dropping me carefully onto the bed. Soaking wet again, but this time on fire instead of freezing. Peetas tongue dances with mine as his fingers trace the outline of my body, down between my thighs. I push my hips against his touch, begging him to do whatever he wants. He leaves a wet trail of kisses all the way down my body, never stopping until he reaches the sweet spot in the center of my warmth. I let out a loud uncontrollable moan when his tongue meets my clitoris. I feel myself accidently pulling away because the feeling is so sensational I can barely stand it. I twist my fingers in his hair and whimper his name, but he doesn't stop until he's satisfied with my reaction. When he finally does come up and kiss me, I can tell my cheeks are flushed. Judging by the smile on his face, he feels satisfied with his work...and so am I. I kiss his shoulder, leaving the last remnant of lipstick.

"Katniss," Peeta whispers in my ear "I want this so bad."

I know he does, so do I. So I wrap my legs carefully around his and pull him closer to me, I'm nervous for the pain but willing to endure it for the pure pleasure that comes after. He waits until I'm ready, until I say it's okay. When I nod, he moves slow and stops to examine the expression on my face. When the pain finally dissipates I pull him in forcefully, which makes him gasp my name. Each time he moans or whimpers it ignites my body even more, the feeling he gives me overwhelms my whole body. My legs shake and I scream his name, my heart races until it passes and then I await another glorious burst. Peetas pace quickens and he looks deep into my eyes, at the last second I kiss him quickly, then he breathes my name into my ear as his muscles tighten and his breathing ceases for a moment, before he collapses on top of me out of breath.


	17. Chapter 17

The heat from the morning sun beams down onto my cheeks and eyelids, forcing them open. Tangled in Peetas limbs I can feel the very tips of his fingers running up and down my arm ever so gently. I take in this moment of serenity. The hallow spots in my heart have been filled with a putty that loosely holds it together, without Peeta it would crumble to a million pieces. I take a deep breath and squeeze his torso tightly; he returns my gesture with a kiss on my forehead.

This is the first day of the rest of my life. My life without Prim. A stabbing pain crosses my chest every time I think of her sweet voice. Peeta suggests we plant Primroses alongside both of our houses. I smile, and nod in agreement. I sit in the grass, emptying my game bag of its odds and ends as he digs up the soil to plant the roses. When I am finally done I stand, there's a nice breeze_. I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless_. Peeta stands with me, covered in dirt from his elbows down. Even with grubby hands he runs them threw my hair, holds my face tightly and kisses me. He runs his thumbs across my cheeks; I didn't realize I was crying until now. He doesn't say anything but I know where he's going now. To see the Mellark bakery or what's left of it. I can tell by the way he leaves me standing that this is a trip he would like to make alone.

The hours pass slowly when Peeta isn't with me, I don't want to go back inside my house. There are to many memories that haunt me, so I sit curled up under the covers in Peetas bed. Eventually he comes back to Victors Village and sits on the edge of the bed. He doesn't look upset, but I can tell in his body language it was painful. I remember what it was like to stand in the graveyard of District 12. I offer the only thing that either of us has left, I sit behind him let my legs drape around his waist and wrap my arms under his and clutch his chest. He puts his hand over mine, lifting it to his mouth to kiss it.

"I'm going hunting in the morning" I blurt out softly.

"Really?" He tries to speak, but it comes out in more of a husky whisper. He clears his throat and says it again, "Really?"

"Mhmm, We could both use some meat...maybe it'll make us feel better."

Peeta leans himself against me, takes a few deep and slow breaths. "I love you, I don't have anyone without you…"

The trip through twelve has clearly taken its toll on Peeta. I kiss the top of his head, pressing my lips to his hair. I close my eyes, as everyone I've ever loved flashes by. I shake my head and try not to let myself breakdown.

"You'll always have me then." I don't feel awkwardness anymore; I mean everything I say to Peeta. I need him and he needs me.

xXx

It's early, and so quiet. I tip toe out of Peetas bedroom and down the stairs, I skirt across the lawn to my house so quickly I feel slightly winded. I push open the front door and almost choke on memories. I make my way down the long hallway and pick up my bow and my father's old hunting jacket. I freeze when I hear it. The hiss. I whip my head around to find him sitting there, thin and scratched up. I have to blink several times to make sure I am not hallucinating. Buttercup has come all the way back for her.

"You're out of luck. She isn't here. You won't find Prim." As a say her name I become furious with him, pick up a pillow and raise my arm to throw it at him. Peeta catches my wrist in the air before I can release it though, startling me even more. He takes it from my grasp and sets it back down, taking my shaking body against his. He whisper sweet words to try and calm me down, it takes a long time but eventually I let my muscles relax and slump down to the floor.

Peeta kneels down over me, pressing his forehead to mine while resting his hand behind my head. I whimper one more time, until I feel the unthinkable. Buttercup brushes his body against my arm and lets out a quiet peaceful kitten like meow. I extend my hand and pet him cautiously.

"You can still hunt, it's early." Peeta says gently.

I look up to find his hair matted to one side, dark circles under his eyes. Last night must have been hell for him. I nod and take his hand as I stand.

"I'll take care of the cat, don't worry" He kisses my cheek and gives me a little shove towards the door.

Without any hesitation Buttercup allows Peeta to lift him from the ground and curls himself up against his chest. I shake my head and let out a slight laugh, so this is my family now. This is when it hits me, the idea of a memory book.

Like or family's plant book, only full of the people who have made the life we now live possible. Prim, Rue, Boggs, Cinna, Holmes, Jackson...everyone. Peeta supplies the picture and I write as carefully as possible everything I can remember about each person. Finally, Haymitch emerges from his dungeon and spews out twenty-three years of tributes and mentors alike.

It goes on like this, the three of us trying to make things as normal as possible. Peeta and I only grow closer than before, and Haymitch drinks himself silly. But I like it this way, it feels _normal_. It's not long before more people return home too, no matter what happened...this is all we know.


End file.
